1. Empathy before education. Always.
Bob: I just got fired... Joe: Wow, that sucks... you must be feeling pretty scared right now, huh?
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Give Joe a cookie!Joe didn’t make it about himself… he kept his focus on Bob. He asked Bob how he was feeling, and after Bob answers, Joe should keep asking. He should let Bob vent about his situation: his wife, his kid, his house, the job market, whatever. Even if Joe knows a guy who might give Bob a job, Joe should shut the hell up until Bob’s finished venting. This may only take five minutes, or it might take a whole hour. Either way, its an important part of the process. Bob will not listen to what Joe has to say, unless Bob feels Joe fully understands his situation.How does Joe know when Bob’s finished venting? He’ll hear something different in Bob’s voice: hope. When Bob is open for suggestions, he’ll say something like, “what do you think I should do?” or “have you ever been in this situation before?” Only after Joe hears this, is Bob ready to listen to new ideas, new possibilities, and new ways of fixing this problem. Only after Joe hears hope, or a direct request for help, is Bob ready to hear what Joe wants to say. If Joe wants to help Bob, Joe needs patience.
2. There’s a space between stimulus and response. Use it.
Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In those choices lie our growth and happiness.
3. Look after your body, and it will look after you.
4. Thoughts become things.
5. Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.
6. Learn, commit, do.
7. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.
8. “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.”
9. Value the differences.
We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t. (Frank A. Clark)
I never learned from a man who agreed with me. (Robert Heinlein)
9. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.
“If it isn’t going to devastate those around you, try [your idea] and then justify it. People — whether parents, partners, or bosses — deny things on an emotional basis that they can learn to accept after the fact. If the potential damage is moderate or in any way reversible, don’t give people the chance to say no. Most peole are fast to stop you before you get started but hesitant to get in the way if you’re moving. Get good at being a trublemaker and saying sorry when you really screw up.” (p 33, The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss).
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