Funny jokes:

The first-grader asked his mother why Daddy brought home a briefcase full of papers every evening.

She explained, “It’s because Daddy has so much to do he can’t finish at the office and has to work nights.”

“Well, then,” said the child, “why don’t they just put him in a slower group?”

From Edwin Bliss’s wonderful time-management book Getting Things Done

Funny one-liners:

It is astonishing  how long it takes to finish something you’re not working on.
~Anon

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
~Robert Frost

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.
~Winston Churchill

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
~W. C. Fields

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: “meetings.”
~Dave Barry

Procrastination is my sin. It brings me naught but sorrow.
I know that I should stop it. In fact, I will–tomorrow!
~Gloria Pitzer

Time Management Tips

1. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
2. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
3. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
4. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office.
5. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
6. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
7. Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals should have been.