Time management jokes

Funny jokes:

The first-grader asked his mother why Daddy brought home a briefcase full of papers every evening.

She explained, “It’s because Daddy has so much to do he can’t finish at the office and has to work nights.

Well, then,” said the child, “why don’t they just put him in a slower group?

From Edwin Bliss’s wonderful time-management book Getting Things Done

Funny one-liners:


It is astonishing  how long it takes to finish something you’re not working on.
~Anon

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
~Robert Frost

However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.
~Winston Churchill

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
~W. C. Fields

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: “meetings.”
~Dave Barry

Procrastination is my sin. It brings me naught but sorrow.
I know that I should stop it. In fact, I will–tomorrow!

~Gloria Pitzer


Time Management Tips

  1. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
  2. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret.
  3. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
  4. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office.
  5. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
  6. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
  7. Wait until my yearly review and then tell me what my goals should have been.

What are some good time-management questions to ask myself?

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When dealing with a crisis:

“How can I prevent this crisis from happening again?”

After finishing something:

“What did I do right? What would I do differently next time?” (Brian Tracy)

At the start of the day:

“What are the three most important things for me to do today?”

“What things can I do today that could make a big difference?”

Many times throughout the day:

“Is this the best way to spend my time right now?”

“What is the best way to spend the next 10 minutes?”

“If I had to do this task in half the time, what short-cuts could I take?”

“Why am I doing this?”

Clarifying objectives and priorities:

“Why am I doing this? What am I trying to accomplish? Is there a better way?”

When reading something:

“Is this the best way I could be spending my time right now?”

“How can I use this information?”

When a subordinate raises a problem and asks you what to do:

“What do you think we should do?”

When someone phones or drops by and you want them to get to the point:

“What can I do for you?” (Getting straight to the point.)

“I’m working to a deadline right now. Can I call you later?”

When you’re not doing something because of fear:

“What’s the worst that can happen? Can I handle that?”

When you’re not doing something because it’s difficult or chucky:

“What’s the next tiny step that can get me closer to my goal?”

“How can I break this down into bite-sized pieces?”

“What else can I try?”

“Who can help me?”

While working on a project:

“Is this working out? Is there a better way?”

When you’ve completed one bit of a project:

“What’s the next action?”

When you’re requesting someone to do something:

“Have I spelled out exactly what I want this person to do?”

At poorly run meetings that are not action-focused:

“Before we move on, what have we decided to do  about this [agenda item]?”

How can I organize myself better to get more things done?

Answer: Watch this brilliant talk on time management by Randy Pausch:

Randy’s talk is so practical and engaging and is especially poignant considering he was dying of pancreatic cancer when he gave it.

How can I organize myself to get more things done?

Answer:  Apply David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” method. Watch these videos for ideas:

People showing how they’ve applied David Allen’s “Getting Things” Done method: