We’ve all heard of the Golden Rule. All major religions and philosophies have their own version of it:
“Treat people the way you’d like to be treated”.
– modern day version
“Do unto others what you’d wish to be done to yourself.”
– New Testament version
“What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.”
– Confucian version
“Hurt not others with that which pains yourself.”
– Buddhist version
“Whatever is disagreeable to yourself, do not do unto others.”
– Zoroastrian version
“Thou shalt Love thy neighbor as thyself.”
– Old testament version
“One should always treat others as they themselves wish to be treated.”
– Hindu version
” Treat others the way you’d like to be treated”: so easy to say; so hard to do!
What does living the Golden Rule look like in practice? How can we apply it in our everyday life?
Leo Babauta, creator of the ZehHabits website and author of The Power of Less, has prepared this list of 18 very practical tips for living the Golden Rule.
18 Practical Tips for Living the Golden Rule
by Leo Babauta
One of the few rules I try to live my life by, and fail every day trying, is the Golden Rule.
I love the simplicity of the Golden Rule, its tendency to make people I interact with happier … and its tendency to make me happier as well.
It’s true: the rule of treating others as you would want to be treated in their place will ultimately lead to your own happiness.
Let’s say that you apply the Golden Rule in all of your interactions with other people, and you help your neighbors, you treat your family with kindness, you go the extra mile for your co-workers, you help a stranger in need.
Now, those actions will undoubtedly be good for the people you help and are kind to … but you’ll also notice a strange thing. People will treat you better too, certainly. Beyond that, though, you will find a growing satisfaction in yourself, a belief in yourself, a knowledge that you are a good person and a trust in yourself.
Those are not small dividends. They are huge. And for that reason — not even considering that our world will be a better place if more people live by this rule — I recommend you make the Golden Rule a focus of your actions, and try to live by it to the extent that you can.
I will admit that there are strong arguments against the Golden Rule, that there are exceptions and logic arguments that the Golden Rule, taken to extremes, falls apart. I’m not concerned about that stuff. The truth is, on a day-to-day basis, living by the Golden Rule will make you a better person, will make those around you happier, and will make the community you live in a better place.
With that in mind, let’s take a look at some practical tips for living the Golden Rule in your daily life:
- Practice empathy. Make it a habit to try to place yourself in the shoes of another person. Any person. Loved ones, co-workers, people you meet on the street. Really try to understand, to the extent that you can, what it is like to be them, what they are going through, and why they do what they do.
- Practice compassion. Once you can understand another person, and feel what they’re going through, learn to want to end their suffering. And when you can, take even a small action to somehow ease their suffering in some way.
- How would you want to be treated?The Golden Rule doesn’t really mean that you should treat someone else exactly as you’d want them to treat you … it means that you should try to imagine how they want to be treated, and do that. So when you put yourself in their shoes, ask yourself how you think they want to be treated. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated if you were in their situation. John F. Kennedy did that during the controversial days of de-segregation in the 1960s, asking white Americans to imagine being looked down upon and treated badly based only on the color of their skin. He asked them to imagine how they would want to be treated if they were in that situation, and act accordingly towards the blacks.
- Be friendly.When in doubt, follow this tip. It’s usually safe to be friendly towards others. Of course, there are times when others just don’t want someone acting friendly towards them, and you should be sensitive to that. You should also be friendly within the bounds of appropriateness. But who doesn’t like to feel welcome and wanted?
- Be helpful. This is probably one of the weaknesses of our society. Sure, there are many people who go out of their way to be helpful, and I applaud them. But in general there is a tendency to keep to yourself, and to ignore the problems of others. Don’t be blind to the needs and troubles of others. Look to help even before you’re asked.
- Be courteous in traffic. Another weakness of our society. There are few times when we are as selfish as when we’re driving. We don’t want to give up the right of way, we cut people off, we honk and curse. Perhaps it’s the isolation of the automobile. We certainly don’t act that rude in person, most of the time. So try to be courteous in traffic.
- Listen to others. Another weakness: we all want to talk, but very few of us want to listen. And yet, we all want to be listened to. So take the time to actually listen to another person, rather than just wait your turn to talk. It’ll also go a long way to helping you understand others.
- Overcome prejudice. We all have our prejudices, whether it’s based on skin color, attractiveness, height, age, gender … it’s human nature, I guess. But try to see each person as an individual human being, with different backgrounds and needs and dreams. And try to see the commonalities between you and that person, despite your differences.
- Stop criticism. We all have a tendency to criticize others, whether it’s people we know or people we see on television. However, ask yourself if you would like to be criticized in that person’s situation. The answer is almost always “no”. So hold back your criticism, and instead learn to interact with others in a positive way.
- Don’t control others. It’s also rare that people want to be controlled. Trust me. So don’t do it. This is a difficult thing, especially if we are conditioned to control people. But when you get the urge to control, put yourself in that person’s shoes. You would want freedom and autonomy and trust, wouldn’t you? Give that to others then.
- Be a child.The urge to control and criticize is especially strong when we are adults dealing with children. In some cases, it’s necessary, of course: you don’t want the child to hurt himself, for example. But in most cases, it’s not. Put yourself in the shoes of that child. Remember what it was like to be a child, and to be criticized and controlled. You probably didn’t like it. How would you want to be treated if you were that child?
- Send yourself a reminder.Email yourself a daily reminder (use Google Calendar or memotome.com, for example) to live your life by the Golden Rule, so you don’t forget.
- Tie a string to your finger.Or give yourself some other reminder throughout the day so that you don’t forget to follow the Golden Rule in all interactions with others. Perhaps a fake golden ring on your keychain? A tattoo? 🙂
- Post it on your wall or make it your home page. The Golden Rule makes a great mantra, and a great poster.
- Rise above retaliation. We have a tendency to strike back when we’re treated badly. This is natural. Resist that urge. The Golden Rule isn’t about retaliation. It’s about treating others well, despite how they treat you. Does that mean you should be a doormat? No … you have to assert your rights, of course, but you can do so in a way where you still treat others well and don’t strike back just because they treated you badly first. Remember Jesus’ wise (but difficult to follow) advice: turn the other cheek.
- Be the change. Gandhi famously told us to be the change we want to see in the world. Well, we often think of that quote as applying to grand changes, such as poverty and racism and violence. Well, sure, it does apply to those things … but it also applies on a much smaller scale: to all the small interactions between people. Do you want people to treat each other with more compassion and kindness? Then let it start with you. Even if the world doesn’t change, at least you have.
- Notice how it makes you feel. Notice how your actions affect others, especially when you start to treat them with kindness, compassion, respect, trust, love. But also notice the change in yourself. Do you feel better about yourself? Happier? More secure? More willing to trust others, now that you trust yourself? These changes come slowly and in small increments, but if you pay attention, you’ll see them.
- Say a prayer. There is a prayer on the Golden Rule, attributed to Eusebius of Caesarea, that would be worth saying once a day. It includes the following lines, among others:
“May I gain no victory that harms me or my opponent.
May I reconcile friends who are mad at each other.
May I, insofar as I can, give all necessary
help to my friends and to all who are in need.
May I never fail a friend in trouble.”—————————————-Does anyone have any other very practical tips that help us apply the Golden Rule in our daily lives? Here are some I’ve added to Leo’s list:
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Think before you speak or act. Think S – space – R. Use the space between stimulus and response to ask: “How will what I’m about to say or do affect this person? Would I like to be on the receiving end of what I’m about to dish out?”
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Keep your promises. Being able to trust others is important to us. We hate it when others let us down and don’t do what they say they’ll do, so we must try hard to always honour the promises we make to others.
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Express appreciation for other people’s kindnesses.
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Let the other person save some face. Our positive opinion of ourself is important. It is painful when we publicly lose our dignity. Our false pride is our human weakness, but it exists nevertheless. Be compassionate, and let people let others save some face when you’ve caught them out in the wrong.
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Be a good team-player. Pitch in and do your bit for the common cause.
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Show mercy. Be forgiving towards those who have wronged us. This especially applies where the other person is sincerely sorry for what they’ve done. We’re human–we’re supposed to make mistakes! It hurts to be truly sorry and for the person we have wronged to refuse to forgive us. When someone us asks for our forgiveness, we should show a generous spirit. Tomorrow, it might be us seeking someone else’s forgiveness!
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Celebrate other people’s good fortune. Put envy and our competitive spirit aside and practise the Buddhist ideal of showing unconditional joy for someone else’s good fortune. Be genuinely pleased for others having good things happen to them and tell them how pleased you are for them. Hopefully, one day when you get to report good news, they’ll repay the favour and be pleased for you too.
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Support other people dreams. Be encouraging. Genuinely wish people well when they’re trying to achieve hard things. Just by telling them you believe in their goals and believe they can achieve them could make all the difference. That’s exacty the kind of support you’d appreciate when you’re pursuing some tough goals.
