Social psychology lecture series

1. Roy Baumeister: How Rejection Affects People:

2. Roy Baumeister: Willpower: Self-Control, Decision Fatigue and Energy Depletion

3. Deborah Gruenfeld: Power and Influence

4.Kathleen Vohs: Money Makes People Less Socially Focused

5.  Paul Piff: Money Makes ALL the Difference

A proposed model of a good group culture based on the Jewish success story

I formed this model of an ideal group culture based on ideas on the Jewish culture discussed in the book What is a Jew?.

A good group:

  1. Agrees on which goals to pursue, and group members commit to working together to achieve those goals.
  2. Agrees on which values to follow. These values are clearly spelt out and group members commit to following them.
  3. Expects to evolve over time, constantly re-evaluating the way things are done to adapt to changing circumstances.
  4. Works hard to strip away unnecessary rules, practices and customs imposed on its members, leaving just the things that matter.
  5. Will not set rules its members will be unwilling to follow:“Never pass a law the people cannot bear.”
  6. Shuns all unnecessary coerced conformity or hint of totalitarianism.
  7. Shuns abuse of its power. It will allow the less powerful members of the group to have a say in the policies that affect them.
  8. Encourages members to submit their ideas to the group, to voice their opinions, and to engage in healthy debate.
  9. Regularly measures its achievements, recognising that a successful group can only be measured by the fruits of its labour, not by its ambitions or its “busy-ness”.

    “However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.” — Winston Churchill 

  10. Celebrates whenever the group or a member achieves an important success or milestone.
  11. Encourages members to consult with each other when deciding how to handle tricky ethical dilemmas.
  12. Encourages members to monitor each other’s behaviour for violations of group standards and to raise their concerns, rather than say “It’s not my problem. It’s not my business”.
  13. Encourages contact with outsiders, inviting outsiders to participate in some of its activities to encourage a fruitful exchange of ideas and skills.
  14. Encourages learning within the group, with members generously sharing useful information and skills with each other and attending group learning events together.
  15. Encourages members to pursue their own goals that support the group’s higher goals.
  16. Conducts regular reflection sessions where group members, individually and together, review their progress. They reflect on their short-comings and work out how to do better. They think about how to heal rifts in their relationships with other group members and think how to help other members they are presently neglecting or could be supporting more.
  17. Publicly speaks out to the outside world in favour of what it believes is right and speaks out against what it believes is wrong and encourages its members to do so individually.
  18. Engages in doing “good works”. Group members will help each other in various ways, through moral support, practical advice and other more tangible ways. The group engages in activities that better the world as well as better themselves.

 

Some admirable group values to consider

  • openness to new ideas and ways of doing things
  • flexibility
  • compromise – except when it comes to high ethical standards
  • tolerance and respect for other people’s different ways of doing things
  • kindness
  • compassion
  • to not do to others what you wouldn’t want them to do to you
  • love of learning
  • freedom
  • individual autonomy
  • belief that we can achieve more working together than as individuals working alone
  • belief that we are all endowed with the potential for greatness and goodness
  • optimism
  • belief that success comes from trying really hard
  • integrity
  • justice
  • speaking up against unfairness and wrong-doing
  • not remaining silent about things we know are wrong
  • apologising to others that we have wronged and trying to make amends
  • being forgiving and understanding towards others who have wronged us
  • expressing our gratitude and appreciation to others
  • giving back
  • working  for the higher good
  • giving others “the benefit of the doubt”
  • being “other” focused – i.e. asking  “what is best for everyone? “
  • not  allowing ourselves to abuse our power over others

How can I model good behavior to others?

Answer: Watch this video for a couple of ideas:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZIioIzZI08&feature=related

How can I be more socially powerful?

Answer: Watch this video by power researcher Professor Deborah Gruenfeld:

How can I teach my child to solve mathematical problems logically?

Answer:  Teach him or her to solve problems the George Poyla way:

George Poyla was a famous Hungarian Mathematician who wrote a clever book in 1945 called How to solve it.

Here’s a summary of his problem-solving method and some problems to solve using his various strategies:

TEACHING PROBLEM SOLVING STRATEGIES IN THE 5 – 12 CURRICULUM

Here’s a video (best to turn off the music!):

How can I be a better conversationalist?

Answer:  Try to make everyone you speak to feel personally addressed.

In his Vanity Fair essay, Unspoken Truths, Christopher Hitchens wrote:

To my writing classes I used later to open by saying that anybody who could talk could also write. Having cheered them up with this easy-to-grasp ladder, I then replaced it with a huge and loathsome snake: “How many people in this class, would you say, can talk? I mean really talk?” That had its duly woeful effect. . .

The most satisfying compliment a reader can pay is to tell me that he or she feels personally addressed. Think of your own favorite authors and see if that isn’t precisely one of the things that engage you, often at first without your noticing it. A good conversation is the only human equivalent: the realizing that decent points are being made and understood, that irony is in play, and elaboration, and that a dull or obvious remark would be almost physically hurtful.

Interesting.  Hitchens was a brilliant speaker and writer. I wonder if anywhere in his writings he left instructions on how we could become better conversationalists?

Here;s a short video where he gives advice to would-be writers (and conversationalists):

Where can I go to meet men?

Answer: Join a gym. This 5-minute video explains all about it:

It’s excellent advice!

Here’s some more practical advice from Suzy Weiss on where to go to meet men:

  • Make a list of all the places men tend to go, and you will want to show up at those places.
  • Find the ‘how to classes’ in your area. A how to invest in real estate class is a great place to start when you look at the percentage of male versus female students in attendance. Register for the class and don’t forget to initiate a conversation with some of the students. Ask a couple of these gentlemen about their investing experience and what advice they could offer to you.

from Best Way To Meet Men – Play On Their Turf To Succeed

  • If you love to play golf, check out golf clubs where you can get involved in tournaments or different foursomes.
  • You could volunteer to be on the social committee for the club, great way to meet new people. All volunteer organizations offer huge opportunities to meet lots of new people. You will want to be active and take on some leadership roles within the organization.
  • Classes and lectures are perfect places to meet a diverse group of people who probably know lots of other interesting people much like themselves.

from How To Meet Middle Aged Men – Mobilize A Mob Of Matchmakers!

Here are some answers posted in reply to that question posted on the eharmony.com forum:

I have decided to join some meetup.com groups. I had been going to a political group I found through meetup and there were a few men, but none I was interested in. So now I’m trying some that I hope will attract men (and people in general) who are passionate about the same things as me – wine and food, intellectual discussion (through book groups), atheist/agnostic groups. I am going to limit my participation to groups in the largest metro area, not in the suburbs. Much better participation in the city. . .

I have looked at some meet-up groups around my area. There is one that just goes and tries out different places to eat around here. I thought that would be fun. Someone else was telling me about a ping-pong meet-up…that sounded really fun too! I did a hike with one meet up group.

I don’t get it. I run across interesting, attractive and quite a few unattached men and women every day. In fact the only way I figure you can’t is the hang around at home, don’t be involved in your local community and don’t talk ith anyone. What do you do when you go shopping? Don’t you ever talk with store holders, other shoppers. What bus, trains. They are so crowded that I can’t help but trip over people. My sons scout group – same. Catching up with friends at pubs, theatre. I never date folk a work but there are people there too. Obviously. Sometimes I crave jut being at home, quiet! You might check out the book “bowling alone.” Yes, we do live in an insular, socially restricted, urban lifestyle where we don’t often know our neighbours names. But it need not be so. Tonight I hired a DVD to watch as I want to stay at home. But to do so I learnt the young store clerks name (Katie), and mentioned my appreciation that they had a Russian film in I had missed at the cinema and discuss the lack of popularity of subtitled films. I’m sure you can introduce yourself to your neighbour, leave the car at home and get out into your on space. But don’t do to meet people. Do it because you like being amongst your community. If you don’t, it is best you don’t find a partner. It won’t last, and you’ll only make someone else miserable.

My main thing is that I do things that I enjoy not necessarily to meet a guy. So I go to coffee shops, book stores, I bike, I run, and while doing those things I wouldn’t mind being approached by a guy. I’ve been approached while doing all those things and what I would say is that I absolutely respect guys who have the guts and nerve to initiate a conversation or ask for my number. Good luck, there are many women out there who are open to being approached while at these places.

…the answers run for 16 pages! Read more at http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/30949-women-where-do-you-go-to-meet-men-3.html

And here are some web articles to give you more ideas on where to go to meet men:

44 Best Places to Meet Eligible Men …

9 Unusual Places To Meet Women (I know the title sounds wrong, but it’s referring to places where women don’t usually hang out!)

The Best Places to Meet a Guy

How should I best talk “numbers” to my pre-schooler?

Answer: Try these tips by Bill Jenkins, expert in learning-based brain plasticity:

“There are simple things that parents and caregivers can do to help preschoolers learn about numbers and prepare for kindergarten math:

  • Ask children to count objects they can touch, such as Cheerios, pieces of cheese, or blocks, and objects they can see, like pictures of dogs on a page of the book Go, Dog. Go!
  • Label the number of items in sets of objects children use throughout the day.  For example, “You have six crayons.”
  • When counting tangible objects, label the number of items in the set, too, to point children toward the crux of the cardinal principle—that the last number counted represents the entire set of objects.  For example, “one, two, three, four crackers; you have four crackers.”
  • Talk about larger sets more often.  What children learn about larger sets helps them perform better on tasks involving smaller sets as well.
  • Expose children to age-appropriate, educational math games for preschoolers, such as the Eddy’s Number Party!™ game, a new iPad app from Scientific Learning that develops counting, number matching skills, and more.  The game, designed with cognitive scientists and educators, is based on research into how the brain learns.

Perhaps one day in the not-too-distant future, public awareness of the importance of building preschool math literacy will match that of building preschool verbal literacy.  But for now, parents and caregivers who are in the know can begin to engage preschoolers with the right kinds of activities to give them an edge in developing the early childhood math skills needed for success throughout the elementary grades.”

Please read Jenkins’ blog article for more details:

Kindergarten Math Readiness & The Cardinal Principle

How can I be a good parent to my adult children?

Answer:  Read this article for some ideas:

My children are now adults–aged 23,  25 and 27. How can I be a good parent to them? What things should I do–and not do?

I don’t want my children to “get away from me” now they’re not living at home anymore. But I don’t want to be an intrusive, bossy parent either. I want us to be good friends. I want them to know that I care for them and am interested in them and enjoy being with them.  I want them to spend time with me because they want to, not because they feel they have to.

1.  KEEPING UP TO DATE WITH THE IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPENING IN THEIR LIVES

I must stay current. What is each child struggling with right now? What dreams are they pursuing? What is making them sad?  What things are they enjoying doing? What successes are they having?

These are the important things happening in their lives – and I need to know these things so I can connect with them on that level.

”How is your sore hip? Does it still stop you from running?”
”How is your boss behaving these days. Is he still a pain?”

2. KEEPING THEM UP TO DATE WITH THINGS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE

I too have struggles, disappointments, wins, losses, dreams, and projects I’m working on. These things are important to me  – and I must share with them this important part of my life.

How much nitty-gritty detail do my kids want? Perhaps the best way is to tell them everything and see how they react. See what they are interested in and be guided by their response. See what questions they  follow up with.

3. GETTING TOGETHER

Staying close means spending time together. How often should we get together? This is  tricky. They  have busy lives; so  do I. The challenge is to spend enough time together so we enjoy that time together, but not to spend so much time together than we  crowd each other.

Maybe initially I’ll take more of the initiative in arranging get-togethers. I’ll  need to think carefully about how to make the get-togethers enjoyable for everyone, for example, preparing their favorite meals.

4. STAYING IN TOUCH BY PHONE AND EMAIL

How often should we talk on the phone? What kind of emails would  they like to receive? Phoning or emailing every day would  be excessive. I need to experiment and see what works.

The bigger problem isn’t excessive contact but rather  too little contact. It’s easy for the days to slip by without us getting into contact at all. I need to get into the habit of phoning and emailing more often. Just forwarding a funny email  is a good way of saying “I’m thinking of you.”

5. GETTING THE BEST OUT OF SPECIAL OCCASIONS

Special occasions offer good excuses to get together.. There are many special occasions–birthdays and partner birthdays, Easter, Christmas, moving house, getting a new job, graduations, getting a promotion, etc. These are all good excuses for me to phone,email and meet up.

6. DOING A DAILY, TWO-MINUTE FOCUS SESSION

Keeping my children in my daily thoughts won’t happen by itself. I need to do something to make it happen.. Every day I will spend two minutes focusing on them–thinking about what they’re up and what I’d like to do for them or tell them.

For instance, a recent daily two-minute focus helped me remember to ask my younger daughter to send her brother her latest job application to show him how to write one. It also jogged my memory that I should phone my elder daughter to tell her what I heard about  how to claim  for her hail damage insurance.

7. BEING CAREFUL NOT TO OVER-STEP BOUNDARIES

I must be careful with advice-giving. I love to give advice! I must learn to give advice gently and effectively–and to  tell my children to feel free to ignore my advice if they don’t like it!

8. RESPONDING WELL TO REQUESTS FOR HELP

I want my children to know I’m always available if they need my help (within reason!). Therefore, when they ask for help, I must remember to respond well. For example, they might ask for help writing a job application, moving house, deciding which job to accept, etc. How well I handle each request for help will influence whether they will ask for my help again in the future.

How can I teach my child about shapes and opposites and things like that?

Answer: Get him or her to watch these fun and catchy  teaching songs: