How can I make my marriage even better?

Answer: Apply the Gottman Magic 5 Hours:


Partings:

Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you’ve learned about one thing that is happening in your spouse’s life that day—from lunch with the boss to a doctor’s appointment to a scheduled phone call with an old friend.

Time: 2 minutes a day x 5 working days Total:  10 minutes

Reunions:

Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday.

Time: 20 minutes a day x 5 working days Total:  1 hour 40 minutes

Admiration and appreciation:

Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your spouse.

Time: 5 minutes x 7 days Total:  35 minutes

Affection:

Kiss, hold, and touch each other during the time you are together.  Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep.  Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. In other words, lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner.

Time: 5 minutes a day x 7 days Total: 35 minutes

Weekly date:

This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected.  Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps* and turn toward** each other. (Of course, you can also use these dates to talk out a marital issue or work through an argument you had during that week, if necessary.) Think of questions to ask your spouse (like “Are you still thinking about redecorating the bedroom?” “Where should we take our next vacation?” or “How are you feeling about your boss these days?”).

Time: 2 hours once a week Total: 2 hours

Grand total: 5 hours!

* Gottman uses the term love map to refer to that part of our brain where we  store all the relevant information about our partner’s life.

** Gottman uses the term turn toward to refer to moments where a person turns toward their partner in response to that partner’s bid for their attention, affection, humor or support.

(a quote from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver)