Eat the 25 super foods plus 4 supplements

More than 100 activities a couple can do together:

Intimate stuff

1. have sex
2. have a goodnight cuddle and chat
3. have a wake-up cuddle and chat
4. sleep together
5. give each other a massage
6. read together in bed

Household stuff

1. go grocery shopping
2. do general shopping
3. work in the garden
4. clean the house
5. clean and polish the car
6. cook
7.  try out new recipes together

 Eating

1. eat dinner together
2. have breakfast together
3. meet up for lunch
4. go out for a meal or coffee
5. have a picnic

Sporting activities

1. play tennis
2. play table tennis
3. play golf
4. practise golf on driving range
5. play squash
6. play badminton
7. play table-tennis
8. play mixed netball/volleyball/handball/other team sport
9. swim laps
10. go body-surfing/body-boarding/surf-boarding/kite-surfing
11. exercise
12. walk/jog
13. go canoeing/sailing
14. go on bike ride
15. go bushwalking
16. play ten-pin bowling/lawn bowls
17. go snorkeling/diving
18. climb a mountain
19. take the dog for a walk
20. enter a fun run/walk/cycle

Artistic activities

1. go to dancing classes
2. go dancing
3. sing in a choir
4. play music together
5. make something artistic together e.g. decorate a garden wall
6. do photography

Learning activities

1. do a course e.g. philosophy, meditation, computer course, etc
2. attend a public lecture
3. join a share club
4. join a book club
5. read a book at the same time and discuss as you go
6. learn a language together
7. go to library
8. play competitive bridge together
9. play chess/backgammon
10. teach yourselves a new board/card game for two

  Entertainment and fun stuff 

1. schedule a regular date night and take turns in thinking up what to do
2. go to the movies
3. buy a season ticket for the annual  film festival
4. watch tv
5. play board game/cards
6. buy a new board game and play it
7. sight-see your own city and surrounds
8. watch youtubes/computer videos
9. watch videos
10. play video games
11. sing together in the car
12. dance together at home
13. play party games
14. go fishing
15. go to outdoor cinema
16. go to live entertainment e.g., a play, concert
17. go to a market
18. go to a sporting event – football, tennis, cricket
19. play with the dog
20. do something thrilling e.g. ballooning, abseiling, white-water rafting
21. hire a motor boat
22. listen to music together
23. go to a farm and pick fruit
24. send each other jokes or interesting emails
     

Socialising

1. visit your adult children or relatives
2. have your children over for a meal
3. have friends over for a meal/afternoon tea
4. throw a party
5. arrange a games/cards night with friends or family
6. go to other people’s places
7. go to a party
8. go to social activities of groups you belong to
9. go to a work function
10. have a joint phone call with a friend or relative
11. attend a child performance
12. attend your partner’s performance/special occasion
13. talk to each other on the phone
14. send each other emails/text messages
15. talk to each other face to face
16. talk about your hopes and dreams and plans for the future
17. philosophise about the deep and meaningful together
18. go to work and come home together 

Holidays

1. go away for a short  break
2. go away on a holiday
3. plan your holiday itinerary together
4. go camping
5. go away with friends/family/a group

Civic/religious activities 

1. go to a community/school meeting
2. do volunteering
3. go to a religious service

Working on a project together 

1. work on a house project together
2. go house-hunting
3. design your dream house together
4. compile a photo book
5. research family tree
6. research the share market together

“A friend is a gift you give yourself.”

— Robert Louis Stevenson

“Did you know there is only one single characteristic that separates extremely happy people from “merely” happy people? They aren’t more grateful, kind, or compassionate. They aren’t more energized when they wake up in the morning (drinking the same amount of coffee as the rest of us). Rather, they possess an abundance of significant, meaningful, lasting relationships. That is, there are people they can confide in, call on during difficult times, and share joyous events that have absolutely nothing to do with them.” (from a post by Todd Kashdan).

Clearly, making close, caring friends is one of the best investments we can make.  Yet most people don’t seem to actively pursue this goal. I’m not sure why. If  our efforts pay off and we succeed in finding ourselves some wonderful friends, then our joy is immeasurable!

It’s not easy, of course!  Here are some tips that might help you attract wonderful people into your life. I’ve written them in the “I” voice to make it sound like you are talking to yourself. It’s more persuasive that way!

To find a wonderful friend, I must:

1. Check my attitude.  What message am I sending out to people? Do I sound confident and emotionally healthy, or do I sound needy and negative about myself? Here is a good message to send out  to potential wonderful friends ( it’s from Steve and Shaaron Biddulph’s book the Making of Love )

‘I am me. I like myself. I like giving love, and I like receiving it. If you  think you’re good enough, apply within.’

2. Put myself out there among the possibilities.   I won’t meet wonderful friends walking between the TV and the kitchen every night.  I need to get out to where people are. Say yes to all invites!

3. Believe it will happen – one day.  Every day I must wake up with the thought, “today could be the day”.  Smile at everyone; greet them heartily; be friendly.   People meet wonderful friends in the strangest places.  I could meet them on the train, in the checkout line, at an exercise class – anywhere!

4.  Spend lots of time doing things I love – preferably outside the house!  What are my interests? I need to pursue those interests enthusiastically and see who turns up. For example, I could join a running club, do a course, or attend a meditation retreat.

5. Recognise “deal-breakers” early on and exit fast.  Not everyone is qualified to be a wonderful friend. High integrity is important; lack of it should be an early deal-breaker for me. In the long-term, I will enjoy spending time more with people who behave decently and are  emotionally mature than with superficial charmers who break promises, tell lies, cheat, etc.

6. Make room in my life for a wonderful friend.  Am I too busy to spend the time required to get to know someone well? Am I prepared to make time?

7. Have an open mind about who my wonderful friend might be.  Wonderful friends can be anyone — old or young, male or female, gay or straight,  or just like me or from an entirely different background or way of doing things. I mustn’t limit my choices  with preconceived ideas.

8. Clean up my act. What flaws do I have that might put off a prospective wonderful friend?  Can I get rid of these flaws — or at least tone them  down a bit? If I don’t know what my irritating faults are, can I ask someone who will tell me?

 9. Be a fun person to be with. People like fun, happy, positive people. I need to lighten up, smile a lot, laugh at myself when I stuff up, and be optimistic about things.  A happy, smiling, fun me is heaps more attractive than a whining, negative, sad-sack me!

10 Spend as much time as possible being the “real me”. The real me is relaxed, poised and confident.   The real me isn’t awkward and defensive and inhibited. I need to practise being the  real me as often as possible so this behaviour becomes more natural.  This way,  when  a  special person  comes along,  I’ll be more comfortable being my authentic, relaxed,  poised self  than that creepy, gawky, inhibited imposter who posseses me when I get self-conscious!

Here’s a formula for achieving our goals:

Achievable goal + good strategy + sticking at it + luck = goal achievement

The hardest part of that formula is the “sticking at it” bit! Staying motivated when our initial hearty enthusiasm deserts us is tricky.

Here are some clever tips for sustaining our motivation by Leo Babauta, creator of  the ZehHabits website and author of the book  The Power of Less.  Leo offers practical, simple wisdom on how we can achieve our goals and create good habits. Leo is also an amazingly generous human being: he has declared his ZenHabits website “un-copyrighted” which means he gives permission for everyone to use his website material however they wish.

Top 20 Motivation Hacks – An Overview

For the last two weeks I’ve been posting the Top 20 Motivation Hacks, one by one. These are the tips and tricks that, if used in combination, are a nearly sure way to achieve your goals.

Achieving goals is not a matter of having “discipline”. It’s a matter of motivating yourself, and keeping your focus on your goal. Follow these hacks, or any combination of them that works for you, and you should have the motivation and focus you need.

Here they are, in reverse order (links take you to more on each):

#20: Chart Your Progress. Recently I posted about how I created a chart to track my progress with each of my goals. This chart is not just for information purposes, for me to look back and see how I’m doing. It’s to motivate me to keep up with my goals. If I’m diligent about checking my chart every day, and marking dots or “x”s, then I will want to make sure I fill it with dots. I will think to myself, “I better do this today if I want to mark a dot.” Well, that’s a small motivation, but it helps, trust me. Some people prefer to use gold stars. Others have a training log, which works just as well. Or try Joe’s Goals. However you do it, track your progress, and allow yourself a bit of pride each time you give yourself a good mark.

Now, you will have some bad marks on your chart. That’s OK. Don’t let a few bad marks stop you from continuing. Strive instead to get the good marks next time.

#19: Hold Yourself Back. When I start with a new exercise program, or any new goal really, I am rarin’ to go. I am full of excitement, and my enthusiasm knows no boundaries. Nor does my sense of self-limitation. I think I can do anything. It’s not long before I learn that I do have limitations, and my enthusiasm begins to wane.

Well, a great motivator that I’ve learned is that when you have so much energy at the beginning of a program, and want to go all out — HOLD BACK. Don’t let yourself do everything you want to do. Only let yourself do 50-75 percent of what you want to do. And plan out a course of action where you slowly increase over time. For example, if I want to go running, I might think I can run 3 miles at first. But instead of letting myself do that, I start by only running a mile. When I’m doing that mile, I’ll be telling myself that I can do more! But I don’t let myself. After that workout, I’ll be looking forward to the next workout, when I’ll let myself do 1.5 miles. I keep that energy reined in, harness it, so that I can ride it even further.

#18: Join an online (or off-line) group to help keep you focused and motivated. When I started to run, more than a year ago, I joined a few different forums, at different times, on different sites, such as Men’s Health (the Belly-Off Runner’s Club), Runner’s World, Cool Running, and the running group at About.com. I did the same when I was quitting smoking.

Each time I joined a forum, it helped keep me on track. Not only did I meet a bunch of other people who were either going through what I was going through or who had already been through it, I would report my progress (and failures) as I went along. They were there for great advice, for moral support, to help keep me going when I wanted to stop.

#17: Post a picture of your goal someplace visible — near your desk or on your refrigerator, for example. Visualizing your goal, exactly how you think it will be when you’ve achieved it, whether it’s financial goals like traveling to Rome or building a dream house, or physical goals like finishing a marathon or getting a flat stomach, is a great motivator and one of the best ways of actualizing your goals.

Find a magazine photo or a picture online and post it somewhere where you can see it not only daily, but hourly if possible. Put it as your desktop photo, or your home page. Use the power of your visual sense to keep you focused on your goal. Because that focus is what will keep you motivated over the long term — once you lose focus, you lose motivation, so having something to keep bringing your focus back to your goal will help keep that motivation.

#16: Get a workout partner or goal buddy. Staying motivated on your own is tough. But if you find someone with similar goals (running, dieting, finances, etc.), see if they’d like to partner with you. Or partner with your spouse, sibling or best friend on whatever goals they’re trying to achieve. You don’t have to be going after the same goals — as long as you are both pushing and encouraging each other to succeed.

#15: Just get started. There are some days when you don’t feel like heading out the door for a run, or figuring out your budget, or whatever it is you’re supposed to do that day for your goal. Well, instead of thinking about how hard it is, and how long it will take, tell yourself that you just have to start.

I have a rule (not an original one) that I just have to put on my running shoes and close the door behind me. After that, it all flows naturally. It’s when you’re sitting in your house, thinking about running and feeling tired, that it seems hard. Once you start, it is never as hard as you thought it would be. This tip works for me every time.

#14: Make it a pleasure. One reason we might put off something that will help us achieve our goal, such as exercise for example, is because it seems like hard work. Well, this might be true, but the key is to find a way to make it fun or pleasurable. If your goal activity becomes a treat, you actually look forward to it. And that’s a good thing.

#13: Give it time, be patient. I know, this is easier said than done. But the problem with many of us is that we expect quick results. When you think about your goals, think long term. If you want to lose weight, you may see some quick initial losses, but it will take a long time to lose the rest. If you want to run a marathon, you won’t be able to do it overnight. If you don’t see the results you want soon, don’t give up … give it time. In the meantime, be happy with your progress so far, and with your ability to stick with your goals. The results will come if you give it time.

#12: Break it into smaller, mini goals. Sometimes large or longer-term goals can be overwhelming. After a couple weeks, we may lose motivation, because we still have several months or a year or more left to accomplish the goal. It’s hard to maintain motivation for a single goal for such a long time. Solution: have smaller goals along the way.

#11: Reward yourself. Often. And not just for longer-term goals, either. In Hack #12, I talked about breaking larger goals into smaller, mini goals. Well, each of those mini goals should have a reward attached to it. Make a list of your goals, with mini goals, and next to each, write down an appropriate reward. By appropriate, I mean 1) it’s proportionate to the size of the goal (don’t reward going on a 1-mile run with a luxury cruise in the Bahamas); and 2) it doesn’t ruin your goal — if you are trying to lose weight, don’t reward a day of healthy eating with a dessert binge. It’s self-defeating.

#10: Find inspiration, on a daily basis. Inspiration is one of the best motivators, and it can be found everywhere. Every day, seek inspiration, and it will help sustain motivation over the long term. Sources of inspiration can include: blogs, online success stories, forums, friends and family, magazines, books, quotes, music, photos, people you meet.

#9: Get a coach or take a class.These will motivate you to at least show up, and to take action. It can be applied to any goal. This might be one of the more expensive ways of motivating yourself, but it works. And if you do some research, you might find some cheap classes in your area, or you might know a friend who will provide coaching or counseling for free.. .

#8: Have powerful reasons. Write them down. Know your reasons. Give them some thought … and write them down. If you have loved ones, and you are doing it for them, that is more powerful than just doing it for self-interest. Doing it for yourself is good too, but you should do it for something that you REALLY REALLY want to happen, for really good reasons. We all have urges to stop, but they are mostly unconscious. One of the most powerful things you can do is to start being more conscious of those urges. A good exercise is to go through the day with a little piece of paper and put a tally mark for each time you get an urge. It simply makes you aware of the urges. Then have a plan for when those urges hit, and plan for it beforehand, and write down your plan, because once those urges hit, you will not feel like coming up with a plan..

#7: Become aware of your urges to quit, and be prepared for them.

#6: Make it a rule never to skip two days in a row.This rule takes into account our natural tendency to miss days now and then. We are not perfect. So, you missed one day … now the second day is upon you and you are feeling lazy … tell yourself NO! You will not miss two days in a row! Zen Habits says so! And just get started. You’ll thank yourself later.

#5: Visualize your goal clearly, on a daily basis, for at least 5-10 minutes. Visualize your successful outcome in great detail. Close your eyes, and think about exactly how your successful outcome will look, will feel, will smell and taste and sound like. Where are you when you become successful? How do you look? What are you wearing? Form as clear a mental picture as possible. Now here’s the next key: do it every day. For at least a few minutes each day. This is the only way to keep that motivation going over a long period of time.

#4: Keep a daily journal of your goal. If you are consistent about keeping a journal, it can be a great motivator. A journal should have not only what you did for the day, but your thoughts about how it went, how you felt, what mistakes you made, what you could do to improve. To be consistent about keeping a journal, do it right after you do your goal task each day. Make keeping a journal a sensory pleasure.

#3: Create a friendly, mutually-supportive competition.We are all competitive in nature, at least a little. Some more than others. Take advantage of this part of our human nature by using it to fuel your goals. If you have a workout partner or goal buddy, you’ve got all you need for a friendly competition. See who can log more miles, or save more dollars, each week or month. See who can do more pushups or pullups. See who can lose the most weight or have the best abs or lose the most inches on their waist. Make sure the goals are weighted so that the competition is fairly equal. And mutually support each other in your goals.

#2: Make a big public commitment. Be fully committed. This will do the trick every time. Create a blog and announce to the world that you are going to achieve a certain goal by a certain date. Commit yourself to the hilt.

#1: Always think positive. Squash all negative thoughts. Monitor your thoughts. Be aware of your self-talk. We all talk to ourselves, a lot, but we are not always aware of these thoughts. Start listening. If you hear negative thoughts, stop them, push them out, and replace them with positive thoughts. Positive thinking can be amazingly powerful.

Are you too critical of yourself? Do you engage in lots of verbal self-abuse?

Maybe you need to learn how to treat yourself more kindly.  Beating yourself up whenever you stuff up or because you’re imperfect is a real mood-killer and de-motivator!

Rather than being self-indulgent and soft, being compassionate towards yourself when you fail or let yourself down is healthy. 

People scoring high in self-compassion are:

• happier
• more optimistic
• strong in reflective wisdom (seeing reality as it really is)
• more likely to display personal intiative
• more curious and exploratory
• more agreeable
• more extraverted
• more conscientious
• less neurotic

See here for the full scientific report by Kristin Neff et al.

Kristin Neff  is a pioneer in the concept of self-compassion and is about to release a book called Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.

Neff spells out these seven exercises for lifting your self-compassion. In a nutshell, they are:

Exercise 1. Conduct a self-review of the aspects of yourself  you are most critical about and  your normal responses to encountering difficulties.

Exercise 2.  Write an imaginary letter from a highly compassionate friend discussing your  imperfections.

Exercise 3. Do a three-chair conversation, switching from your critical self to  your criticised self and  then to your  compassionate, wise self.

Exercise 4.  Soften your critical self-talk. This exercise requires you to catch yourself verbally beating yourself up, studying your toxic words, and then coming up with gentler, compassionate  words.

Exercise 5. Keep a journal to express the negative emotions you experience during the day.  Journalling has been proven to  be an effective self-soothing tool.

Exercise 6. Identify healthier ways to motivate yourself to behave than your usual self-abuse approach.

Exercise 7. Care for yourself  and take steps to recharge your batteries.  Schedule time to do things that make you feel good and re-charged.

Click here for a good article explaining self-compassion in The New York Times.