- Noise proves nothing–often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid. (Mark Twain)
- A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. (Barnett Cocks)
- He who feels that he is too small to make a difference has never been bitten by a mosquito. (Unknown)
- If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first! (unknown)
- The older I get, the smarter my Dad gets. (Mark Twain)
- Success has a hundred fathers and failure is a bastard child. (Unknown)
- Never miss a good chance to shut up. (Will Rogers)
- Don’t try to have the last word. You might get it. (Robert Heinlein)
- A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being frank. (Robert Heinlein)
- Arguing with a fool proves there are two. (Doris M Smith)
- A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! (Doug Larson)
- One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. (Rita Mae Brown)
- I’ve never learned from a man who agreed with me. (Robert Heinlein)
- Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. (William James)
- Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. (Albert Einstein)
- Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple really. Double your rate of failure. (Thomas J.Watson)
- Do what you feel in your heart to be right — for you’ll be criticized anyway. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
- Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week (George Bernard Shaw)
- Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. (Jerry Seinfeld)
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. (unknown)
- If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. (W. C. Fields)
- Why is it when I ask for a pair of hands, a brain comes attached? (Henry Ford)
- How do I know what I think until I hear what I say? (E.M. Forster)
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: “meetings.” (Dave Barry)
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. (Dave Barry)
- I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. (Dave Barry)
- The only way you learn to flip [pancakes] is just to flip them. (Julia Child)
- “Always” and “never” are two words that you should always remember never to use. (Wendell Johnson)
- How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. (Abraham Lincoln)
- Everyone generalizes from one example. At least, I do. (Steven Brust)
- Most people would rather die than think. In fact, they do so regularly. (Bertrand Russell)
- We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are. (Anais Nin)
- Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. (Abraham Lincoln)
- We all have times when we think more effectively, and times when we should not be thinking at all. (Daniel Cohen)
- It ain’t what you know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. (Mark Twain)
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. (Judith Martin)
- Shit happens ( Universal proverb)
- We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t (Frank A. Clark)
- Keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out. (original source unknown but used by many academic scholars)
- Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. (Wendell Johnson)
Witty quotes with a message
Filed Under: potted wisdom, toolbox, witty quotes with a message
