Ironic, paradoxical, quirky quotes to make you think

  1. Be quick, but don’t hurry. ~ John Wooden
  2. The team that makes the most mistakes usually wins. ~ Piggy Lambert ,one-time Purdue Basketball coach
  3. Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. ~ Henry Ford
  4. Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. ~ Thomas Watson
  5. Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most. ~ Unknown
  6. The only way to have a friend is to be one. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
  7. A friend is a present you give yourself. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
  8. It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. ~ Alfred Adler
  9. Nothing too much. ~ inscription at temple of Delphi
  10. Arguing with a fool proves there are two. ~ Doris M. Smith
  11. Nobody can hurt me without my permission.~ Mohandas Gandhi
  12. You don’t have to be interesting. You have to be interested. ~ John Gottman
  13. Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. ~ Oscar Wilde
  14. A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! ~ Doug Larson
  15. The shortest pencil is longer than the longest memory. ~ Unknown
  16. To the man with a hammer, every problem tends to look pretty much like a nail. ~ Unknown
  17. I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
  18. Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner
  19. Knowing what is and knowing what can be are not the same thing. ~ Ellen Langer
  20. Certainty is a cruel mindset. ~ Ellen Langer
  21. What we have learned to look for in a situation determines mostly what we see. ~ Ellen Langer
  22. That which we desire most earnestly we believe most easily. ~ Unknown
  23. What you get by reaching your destination is not nearly as important as what you will become by reaching your destination. ~ Unknown
  24. We tend to get what we expect. ~ Norman Vincent Peale
  25. Everybody dies, but not everybody lives. ~ A Sachs
  26. To be angry is to let others’ mistakes punish yourself. ~ Master Cheng Yen
  27. Memory is the residue of thought. ~ Daniel Willingham
  28. It takes 20 years to make an overnight success. ~ Eddie Cantor
  29. Gentlemen, I take it we are all in complete agreement on the decision here…Then I propose we postpone further discussion. . .to give ourselves time to develop disagreement. ~ Alfred Sloan
  30. To understand all is to forgive all. ~ French saying.
  31. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. ~ Franklin P. Jones
  32. Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~ Barnett R. Brickner
  33. Ideas that spread win. ~ Seth Godin
  34. I wish to have as my epitaph: ‘Here lies a man who was wise enough to bring into his service men who knew more than he.’ ~ Andrew Carnegie
  35. Try not to become a man of success, but rather to become a man of value. He is considered successful in our day who gets more out of life than he puts in. But a man of value will give more than he receives. ~ Albert Einstein
  36. The only way to have a friend is to be one. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
  37. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you. ~ Roy Croft
  38. Every exit is an entry somewhere. ~ Tom Stoppard
  39. When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. ~ Lao-Tzu
  40. The reward of a thing done well is to have done it. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
  41. It is astonishing how long it takes to finish something you are not working on. ~ Unknown
  42. It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to. ~ Walter Linn
  43. Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats. ~ Howard Aiken
  44. How do I know what I think until I hear what I say? ~ E. M. Forster
  45. The best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas. ~ Linus Pauling
  46. Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible. ~ Miguel Unamuno
  47. Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy. ~ Robert Heinlein
  48. One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh. ~ Robert Heinlein
  49. Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. ~ Robert Heinlein
  50. When one teaches, two learn. ~ Robert Heinlein
  51. Belief gets in the way of learning. ~ Robert Heinlein
  52. What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things. ~ Margaret Mead
  53. It ain’t what you know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. ~ Mark Twain
  54. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. ~ Abraham Lincoln
  55. The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year. ~ John Foster Dulles
  56. There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done. ~ Peter Drucker
  57. Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. ~ Peter Drucker
  58. We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t. ~ Frank A. Clark
  59. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward. ~ Soren Kierkegaard
  60. The one who loves least controls the relationship. ~ Unknown
  61. Life is not one thing after another. It’s the same damn thing over and over! ~ Unknown
  62. The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else. ~ George Bernard Shaw
  63. This too shall pass. ~ Persian proverb
  64. The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly alive. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
  65. Whenever an individual or business decides that success has been attained, progress stops. ~ Thomas J. Watson
  66. We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are. ~ Anais Nin
  67. Whoever best describes a problem is the one most likely to solve it. ~ Dan Roam
  68. What gets measured gets managed. ~ Peter Drucker
  69. By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.~ Robert Frost
  70. The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake. ~ Elbert Hubbard
  71. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell
  72. Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more. ~ William Cowper
  73. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did. ~ Mark Twain
  74. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. ~ George Bernard Shaw
  75. I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~ Mark Twain
  76. The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. ~ Richard P.Feynman
  77. The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed. ~ Michelangelo
  78. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ~ Mark Twain

5 thought-provoking videos from the Stephen Covey community website

To watch these videos, you’ll need to register with the Stephen Covey Community website. Registering is free.

There are 10 other other videos as well– these five are my favorites.

1.  Big rocks.

A beautiful demonstration of the “first things first” principle. I love this analogy, and this is very cleverly done.

2. Discovery of a character.

An excellent 14-minute short firm about a depressed and struggling author who discovers a higher purpose for writing more important than just making money. The film is well worth watching and very thought-provoking.

3. Max and Max

A great film about the over-controlling boss who stifles the growth of his new retriever dog, Max and his new graduate employee, Max.

4. Teacher

a moving film about Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan.

5. It’s Not Just Important, It’s Wildly Important

A thought-provoking video on the  importance of an organization defining its most important goal and making sure everyone in the organization knows what it is.

The well-meaning but unhelpful optometrist

 

by Stephen Covey  (in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, p 236)

Suppose you’ve been having trouble with your eyes and you decide to go to an optometrist for help. After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you.

“Put these on,” he says. “I’ve worn this pair of glasses for ten years now and they’ve really helped me. I have an extra pair at home; you can wear these.”

So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse.

“This is terrible!” you exclaim. “I can’t see a thing!.”

“Well, what’s wrong?” he asks. “They work great for me. Try harder.”

“I am trying,” you insist. “Everything is a blur.”

“Well, what’s the matter with you? Think positively.”

“Okay. I positively can’t see a thing.”

“Boy, are you ungrateful!” he chides. “And after all I’ve done to help you.”

The animal school

by G. H. Reavis, Assistant Superintendent of Schools, Cincinnati, Ohio (1937)

Once upon a time, the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of “a new world,” so they organised a school. They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming, and flying, and to make it easier to administer, all animals took all the subjects.

The duck was excellent in swimming, better in fact than his instructor and made passing grades in flying, but he was very poor in running. Since he was so slow in running, he had to stay after school and also drop swimming to practice running, This was kept up until his web feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming. But average was acceptable in school, so nobody worried about that except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running, but had a nervous breakdown because of so much makeup work in swimming.

The squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustration in the flying class where his teacher made him start from the ground-up instead of from the tree-top-down. He also developed charlie-horses from overexertion and then got a C in climbing and a D in running.

The eagle was a problem child and was disciplined severely. In the climbing class he beat all the others to the top of the tree, but insisted on using his own way to get there.

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceedingly well, also run, climb, and fly a little had the highest average and was valedictorian.

The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy because the administration would not add digging and burrowing to the curriculum. They apprenticed their child to a badger and later joined the groundhogs and gophers to start a successful private school.

 

Are you as saintly as you think you are?

 

 

Thoughtful Jim and what he can teach us

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them.

Some are over-sensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.

My name is Jim.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Christine.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for  Christine to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work and although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don’t yell at her.

Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the  club so eating out twice is not reasonable.

I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.

But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves.

I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.

But, boys, we take ’em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.

I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.

That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points .

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.

She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn.

I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man.

I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.

And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Christine.

I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Many men will find it difficult. Some will even find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.

After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,

 JIM

PS:
Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum.  
 
 The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.
 

His wife Christine was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

 

_______

OK! This was a joke–a rather funny joke, I thought!

But after I read this, I felt disturbed.
 
It didn’t seem too far beyond the realms of possibility that Jim could be a real husband (albeit of the old school!) who genuinely believed he was behaving, well, rather saintly towards Christine!
 

Using the social intelligence lingo,  Jim is “mindblind”. He doesn’t have a clue how to “read” Christine or to know how much his behavior is upsetting her so much. Christine isn’t helping by non-assertively “sucking it up”, allowing Jim to keep thinking he’s wonderful. 

I don’t think  we humans generally are very good at reading how our actions are received by other people. Three factors maycontribue to our mindblindness:
 
  1. We seem to be almost hard-wired to see ourselves in a glowing, positive light. Most people genuinely think we are smarter than average, more attractive than average, more moral  and more competent and nicer than average–and of course we think we are better drivers than average! It is as though our egos are designed to protect us from facing up to unpleasant truths about ourselves.
     
  2. We tend to be rather selfish creatures if we think we can get away with it. We are highly motivated to get what we want and have amazing powers of rationalisation to justify our “looking after No. 1” so well.
     
  3. Our egos hate to be criticised. Even the gentlest rebuke can set us off.  That hostile response sure doesn’t encourage the Christines of the world to stand up for themselves and to hand out some honest constructive feedback.  “Sucking it up” seems a safer option! This is especially true if there’s a clear one-up/one-down power imbalance. If Jim is the “saintly” boss and Christine is his personal assistant, Christine will almost certainly go for the “suck it up” option than to ask for a better deal. 

So the mindblindness continues–and we all continue to go through life  blissfully unaware that we are hurting others while silently getting hurt by others.

Here’s a painful question:

Can you think of any possible Jim moments you’ve had, where you honestly considered your actions to be “saintly” but where the other party might have wanted to ram a golf stick up your back side?

I can think of a few, and I can guess at a lot more! 

Here’s one. I can be rather tactless at times! I remember years ago, a lady showing me what felt like thousands of photos she’d taken! Finally she said, “I really like this photo. I like everything about it — how it’s centred on the main subject, the lighting, etc, etc.”  I was about to say very matter-of-factly- and in not the slightest way nastily–“I guess if you took enough photos, eventually one would work out perfectly.”  I was thinking that, statistically, eventually all the right features of a good photo would have to happen together. However, fortunately, I checked myself just in time and said instead, “Yes, it’s a lovely photo”. And the lady beamed with delight.

Afterwards, I told a family member how proud I felt that  I was able to stop myself in time before I said the what-would-have-been-an-honest-but-tactless-remark.  I then explained,”My problem I think is that I’m always so objective about everything.”

To which my family member snapped back rather venomously, “Objectionable, you mean!”

I was stunned! She sure did sound like someone who had been wounded by my tactlessness a few too many times and would have liked to have shoved a golf stick up my backside!

 How about you? As I said, it’s a painful question, but certainly worth thinking about. Is there a Little Jim inside you sometimes?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

The Wolves Within

 

Version 1:

 An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, “Let me tell you a story. 

I, too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. 

But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.” He continued, “It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. 

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing. 

Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.” 

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which one wins, Grandfather?” 

The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, “The one I feed.” 

 

 Version 2 

 An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. 

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” 

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” 

The jewel and the unhappy king

 

A poor man, Depa, once found an enormously valuable jewel. Being a person of little desire, and content with his small income, Depa pondered to whom he should give the jewel. He tried to think who was most in need and suddenly was inspired to give the jewel to King Prasenajit. The king was astounded as there were many poor and needy people, but Depa said, ‘O King, it is you who is the poorest, because you lack contentment.’

Nagarjuna, Letter to a Friend (and reproduced in Buddhism for Busy People :Finding Happiness in an Uncertain World by David Michie)

 

Thinking exercise: boiling down your core strength to a single phrase

Can we sum up our essential strength — our core genius — in just a verb ending with -ing,  followed by a noun? 

According to Dick Richards, author of Is Your Genius at Work? 4 Key Questions to Ask Before Your Next Career Move, we can — and we should.

Dave Pollard has written a very detailed book review, providing lots of details to get you thinking, and Steve Pavlina, in the article below, describes how he tested the book’s simple concepts on himself – with excellent results. 

What’s your core genius? Read Dave Pollard’s review and Steve’s article to get you thinking, and then buy the book to work through the exercises properly.

Is Your Genius at Work?

by Steve Pavlina

Is Your Genius at Work? by Dick Richards is a fantastic book about discovering your genius and your purpose and identifying a career that fits well with both.  This book was recently provided to me by the publisher, and it’s one of the few unsolicited books I received that I can enthusiastically recommend to others.  Why do I say this?  Because I personally derived a valuable result from reading this book — the identification of my own core genius.

There’s already a great review of this book written by Dave Pollard, so if you want to know what the book is all about, simply read Dave’s review.

Since I can’t add any value by writing the same type of review as Dave, I’m going to take a different approach and explain what specific benefit I personally received from reading this book and working through its exercises.

Genius makes the bold statement that every person has one and only one core genius, and that genius is unique.  Think of your genius as your greatest strength.  Long before reading this book I had developed a strong awareness of my key strengths and weaknesses, but I hadn’t given serious consideration to the idea that I might have only one “genius” from which all my key strengths could be derived.

As I went through the exercises in the book, I easily identified many of my own strengths.  I’m able to learn very quickly.  I’m good at understanding complicated concepts.  I can communicate well with both humans and computers.  I’ve developed great synergy between my logic and intuition.  And so on.  But when I listed them all out, I didn’t see any single root genius from which all these strengths could be derived.  It was as if they were all relatively prime, with no single common denominator.

But Genius pushes us to think outside the box when looking for our core genius.  For example, what’s the lowest common denominator between the numbers 9, 15, 21, and 30?  It’s 3, right?  How about 15, 25, 65, and 90?  The LCD there is 5.  Now what about 2, 10, 13, 29, and 300?  The book says it’s the letter t, since all these numbers begin with a t.  Very sneaky.  It’s exercises like these that cause you to keep looking at the question of genius from different angles until you eventually find an angle where the common denominator becomes clear.

I spent about an hour working with the book’s exercises and eventually succeeded in identifying my core genius, from which all my other strengths could be derived.  As stated in the book’s suggested terms, my genius is “Optimizing Results.”  That’s something I’m uniquely good at.  From that core genius I can derive my interest in personal development, productivity, self-discipline, technology, entrepreneurship, reading, writing, blogging, speaking, podcasting, exercising, exploring belief systems, generating passive income, conducting wacky growth experiments, polyphasic sleep, veganism, living consciously, etc.  I often see life itself as an optimization challenge.

This is one reason I enjoy the ready-fire-aim approach to goal achievement.  I like to just dive in and experiment, since my first attempts (often failures) provide me with a base from which I can begin optimizing.  It doesn’t matter what my starting position is — I will always find a way to improve from there.  For example, every month I review the stats and feedback from this web site, tweaking things behind the scenes to make the next month even better — more impact, more traffic, more revenue.  That’s one reason I was able to raise the monthly income generated by this site by a factor of more than 90x from February to November.  This kind of increase isn’t unusual for me.  If you give me a stream, I will eventually turn it into a mighty river.  I can’t really help it — it’s just my nature.

This idea of optimizing results also gives me a new perspective on my previous career choices.  I was an employee for only six months before I concluded it was suboptimal.  Then I worked as an independent contractor, which was an improvement on being an employee but still suboptimal.  Then I started my games business… another positive step, but I lost money at first.  Then I optimized the business model to make it profitable and to generate mostly passive income.  Then I came to see that working in the gaming industry was suboptimal for me because it didn’t capitalize on my greatest personal strengths, so I launched this personal development business.  And since then I’ve continued the process of optimizing this new business as I teach other people ideas for optimizing their own lives.  And no doubt that five years from now, I’ll have found an even more optimal method of expressing my key strengths for the highest good of all.  My life tends to get better and better year after year.

Once I discovered this core genius of optimizing results, the whole long-term pattern fell into place.  No matter where I find myself, I express an insatiable drive to improve results.  I’m constantly giving people ideas to improve their results.

Genius has given me a wonderful boost in clarity, and for that I’m grateful.  I like the idea of thinking of my work in terms of optimizing results.  That succinctly explains what I do, and it also helps clarify why I write on so many different topics — optimizing belief systems, optimizing relationships, optimizing time management, optimizing emotions, optimizing sleep, optimizing health habits, and so on.  All of these factors are important in optimizing one’s results in life.

Although this book doesn’t explicitly address it, I also thought that perhaps all my key weaknesses can be derived from a single core anti-genius.  For me this would be anything that interferes with the optimization process.  This includes complacency, apathy, negativity, close-mindedness, laziness, inefficiency, tardiness, messiness, stupidity, and incompetence.  (My children may have a rough time surviving their teenage years.)  Those are the qualities I find most repulsive.  “Encouraging chaos” or “increasing entropy” might be reasonable descriptions of my anti-genius, since optimization is a process of increasing order.  Somewhat ironically though, I tend to be a disruptive influence on others, since optimization is inherently disruptive.  Initially I often increase chaos as I break old systems before pushing things to a new level of order.

Genius also addresses the concept of purpose, although not with as much clarity and depth as genius itself.  I honestly didn’t get much out of this part of the book because I’ve already been working with a clear sense of purpose for quite a while.  You might, however, find the book’s exercises here valuable if your purpose isn’t yet clear to you.  The book will help you choose a career that fits both your genius and your purpose.

The only thing that disappointed me about Genius is that I feel it stopped a bit short in its model of human behavior.  While your genius and your purpose are two key factors in choosing your career, there are a couple of others that are equally important:  passion and need.  Your passion is what you most love to do.  It isn’t necessarily the same thing as your genius, since passion is usually about the how while genius is about the what.  Genius covers the topic of passion indirectly but doesn’t separate it out like it does with purpose.  Need is what you must do, including earning enough money to pay your bills.  You can work from your genius and know your purpose and be financially destitute if you don’t find a way to meet your needs.  I think Genius would have been even better if it separately covered all four elements instead of just two:  needs (body), talents/genius (mind), passion (heart), and purpose (spirit).

I’ve previously written about these four elements in a blog entry called Living Congruently.  Stephen Covey presents a similar four–part model in his books.

I can’t really fault Genius for using a two-part behavioral model instead of a four-part one, since the book certainly accomplished its purpose in my case, which was to help identify my core genius.  I’m fortunate that I already have a career that wonderfully balances my needs, talents, passion, and purpose, so I knew this book wouldn’t induce a major career overhaul.  However, I am deeply appreciative of the new level of clarity this book has given me.  That alone made it worth reading.  It has assisted me in my own self-optimization process.

If you don’t already enjoy a career centered around your genius and your purpose, then working through this book will probably be more challenging for you than it was for me.  Many personal development books contain miserably pointless exercises, but this book is the exception to the rule.  Its exercises are intelligent, well-designed, and insightful.  There are no pointless quizzes that force you to rate yourself on some arbitrary scale.  I also liked that all the exercises are put into a separate section of the book, so first you can read through all the content, and then you can work through the exercises.

As I’ve previously mentioned, I’m very picky about which books I’ll recommend in this blog, especially those I receive unsolicited.  But this book is one that I can wholeheartedly recommend.  If you actually work through all the exercises (and none are very difficult), I think you’ll achieve a greater level of clarity.  I think this book would be especially great for people in their 20s who are still uncertain about the right career for them.

Two thumbs up!

(Steve Pavlina’s blog is full of thought-provoking and potentially life-changing articles.  Steve has “un-copyrighted” his site, giving permission for all his articles to be reproduced on other people’s websites. Thank you, Steve!)

A thinking exercise: boiling things down to their one-word essence

The fewer the words we can sum something sum in, the better we understand its essence. The ultimate in the one-word summary!  Guillio explains this concept to Elizabeth Gilbert in Gilbert’s memoir Eat Pray Love.

[Giulio] “Every city has a word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there”

‘ What’s Rome’s word?” I asked.

“SEX,” he announced …

“Even over at the Vatican?”

“That’s different. The Vatican isn’t part of Rome. They have a different word over there. Their word is POWER.”

“You’d think it would be FAITH.”

“It’s POWER,” he repeated. “Trust me. But the word in Rome —  it’s SEX.”

Giulio asked, “What’s the word in New York City?”

I thought about this for a moment, then decided. “It’s a verb, of course. I think it’s ACHIEVE.”

(Which is subtly but significantly different from the word in Los Angeles, I believe, which is also a verb: SUCCEED. Later, I will share this whole theory with my Swedish friend Sofie, and she will offer her opinion that the word on the streets of Stockholm is CONFORM, which depresses both of us.)

I asked Giulio, “What’s  the word in Naples?” He knows the south of Italy as well.

“FIGHT,” he decides. “What was the word in your family when you were growing up?”

That one was difficult.  I was trying to think of a single word that somehow combines both FRUGAL and IRREVERENT. But Giulio was already on to the next and most obvious question: “What’s your word?”

Now that, I definitely could not answer. (From Eat Pray Love, p 108-9)

…but a hundred pages later in the book …

I was reading through an old text about Yoga, when I found a description of ancient spiritual seekers.  A Sanskrit word appeared in the paragraph: ANTEVASIN. It means “one who lives at the border.”

… It indicated a person who had left the bustling center of worldly life to go live at the edge of the forest where the spiritual masters dwelled. The antevasin was not one of the villagers anymore — not a householder with a conventional life.  But neither was he yet a transcendent — not one of those  sages who live deep in the unexplored worlds, fully realized.  The antevasin was an in-betweener. He was a border-dweller. He lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked toward the unknown. And he was a scholar.

When I read this description of the antevasin, I got so excited I gave a little bark of recognition. That’s my word, baby! In the modern age, of course, that image of an unexplored forest would have to be figurative, and the border would have to be figurative, too. But you can still live there.  You can still live on that shimmering line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in a state of learning.  In the figurative sense, this is a border that is always moving — as you  advance forward  in your studies and realizations, that mysterious forest of the unknown always stays a few feet ahead of you, so you have to travel light in order to keep following it. (from Eat Pray Love, p 214)

Choice points — Elliot Aronson’s fork-in-road, testing moment

Elliot Aronson is one of our most influential social psychologists and the only person in the 120-year history of the American Psychological Association to win all three of its major awards for distinguished research, distinguished teaching, and distinguished writing.  He is also a beautiful person.

In his delightful autobiography Not by Chance Alone, My Life as a Social Psychologist (Basic Books), Aronson describes a character-testing, fork-in-road moment for him that was  triggered by Leon Festinger, a prickly Professor at Standford University ( most famous for his work on Cognitive Dissonance).

Guy Lasnier, in a review of Aronson’s autobiography, tells what happened:

Aronson is walking down the hall when Festinger barks out his name. Pulling a paper from a pile of hundreds on his desk, Festinger holds it between his thumb and forefinger as if it were a piece of trash. “I believe this is yours,” he says with a mix of pity and contempt, Aronson remembers.

Aronson dreaded the red marks he expected to find. Instead there was nothing.  He steeled himself to inquire why. With that same mix of pity and contempt, Festinger told him that if he didn’t care enough about his work to give it his best effort the result was not worth his comment.

Getting that paper was a critical moment in Aronson’s life. He had a choice.  He could drop the class and accept defeat.

Instead, he spent the next 72 hours reworking the paper and handed it to his mentor. Fifteen minutes later Festinger walked into his office, sat on the edge of his desk, put his hand on his student’s shoulder and said: “Now this is worth criticizing.”

“At that moment we became colleagues,” he says. “It was an incredible gift.”  

Elliot Aronson  beautifully tells the story himself in the opening minutes of this 30-minute video interview ( from 3′ 30″  to 7′ 45″):