How can I positively influence someone?

Answer: Encourage them.

Up-and-coming tennis star Bernie Tomic explains how moved he was by Roger Federer’s words of encouragement:

BERNARD Tomic has vowed to follow Roger Federer’s advice this time and work harder on his tennis over the rest of the 2013 season. Tomic said the advice Federer gave him at the net 12 months ago, were spoken again last night.

“He said, ‘Keep going, you improved’.  Every time I played him, he mentions it, ‘Well done, Bernie, keep going, keep improving’, which is a good thing, hearing that from somebody like him,” said Tomic. . .

“I remember those words.

from Bernard Tomic vows to heed Roger Federer’s advice

What are some questions to ask that others would love to answer?

Answer: “Charlie, what one word accounts for your remarkable success in life?”

Charlie Munger, the other half of the Buffett-Munger Berkshire Hathaway genius investment team, vouches for that one!


Charlie Munger said a beautiful woman sitting next to him at a dinner asked him that:

“I knew I was being manipulated and that she’d done this before, and I just loved it. I mean I never see this woman without a little lift in my spirits. And by the way, I told her I was rational. You’ll have to be the judge of whether that’s true!”

from a lecture entitled The Psychology of Human Misjudgment by Charlie Munger to the Harvard Law School in 1995)

How can I artfully change the direction of the conversation?

Answer: When you hear an opening in the conversation you’d like to explore further, say “Now that is interesting.” Then say why you think it is interesting.

This is another Edward de Bono conversational tip.  He says:

You need to get into the habit of saying: ‘Now that is interesting.”

Once you are ready to use that phrases you can now direct the phrase at anything that comes up in the conversation. . . It is like having a bow and a quiver full of arrows. At any moment you aim your arrow at a particular  point and let fly: “Now that is interesting.”

You will need to explain why you find that point interesting.

How can I liven up a dull conversation?

Answer 2: If you’re stuck just talking trivia and you’d like to talk about something more interesting, try this bold solution!

From The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns (Burns is a well-respected psychiatrist and multi-million selling author specializing in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy):

You can transform the most boring interactions into incredibly exciting ones within less than thirty seconds with a 100% success rate if you use this simple but bold technique:

Comment, in a tactful and friendly way, on the fact that you feel bored. Ask the other person if they feel the same way. That’s all you have to do!

If you’re chatting abut trivia with someone at a party and you’re crawling out of your skin, you could say: “Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get involved in really boring small talk at parties like this?”

They’d probably say yes. Then you could say, “Well, that’s how I feel right now {“I feel statement}. Do you feel the same way? {inquiry?}. We’re just talking about nothing at all. I don’t know why, because I’ll bet you’re an interesting person and I’d like to get to know you a little better {stroking}.

The moment you admit that you feel bored there will be a certain electricity in the air. It’s a fairly daring statement, and your boredom will be history. The compliment “I’ll bet you’re an interesting person” is included to reassure the other person that you don’t want to put them down and that you simply want to get to know them better (p 440).

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What do you think?

Do you think you could be brave enough to try this once before you died?!!

I think it’s brilliant. However, I’d definitely practice it a couple of times on someone safe before trying it out in the real world!

What are some “magic phrases” worth memorizing for creating beautiful conversations?

1.  When you know little about a subject but you’re still interested, and the person knows a lot:

“I know nothing about this subject, but I’m interested and am happy to listen and learn.”

2. When you hold a particular opinion about something, but you are open-minded to reconsidering your opinion:

“This is where I stand right now. But I’m happy to change my mind if you can convince me.”

3. If you’re chatting abut trivia with someone at a party and you’ll love to move the conversation onto something better, you could say:

“Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get involved in really boring small talk at parties like this?”

They’d probably say yes. Then you could say,

“Well, that’s how I feel right now {“I feel statement}. Do you feel the same way? {inquiry?}. We’re just talking about nothing at all. I don’t know why, because I’ll bet you’re an interesting person and I’d like to get to know you a little better {stroking}.

The moment you admit that you feel bored there will be a certain electricity in the air. It’s a fairly daring statement, and your boredom will be history. The compliment “I’ll bet you’re an interesting person” is included to reassure the other person that you don’t want to put them down and that you simply want to get to know them better.  (From The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, p 440).