The slow, hard-slog way to becoming a beautiful person:

Our bad ego hates failing, so it only does things it believes it can do.

Our mature self accepts failure might happen as a natural consequence of doing hard things.

1. The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed. Michelangelo
2. The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make a mistake. Elbert Hubbard
3. Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. Thomas Watson
4. How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win. Gilbert Keith Chesterton
5. All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions. Adlai E. Stevenson
6. Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. Ralph Waldo Emerson
7. It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
8. Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. Winston Churchill

 

Our bad ego feels threatened and gives up when a task gets hard.

Our mature self doesn’t take difficulties personally and keeps trying different things until it succeeds.

1. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do. Confucius
2. You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. Margaret Thatcher
3. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed no hope at all. Dale Carnegie
4. Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance. Samuel Johnson

Our bad ego likes to feel sorry for itself and unfairly victimized when things go wrong.

Our mature self accepts bad luck happens sometimes and owns up to its contribution to bad outcomes.

1. Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present situation, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. Dale Carnegie
2. Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened. Dr. Seuss
3. Most of my major disappointments have turned out to be blessings in disguise. So whenever anything bad happens, I sit back and feel it’ll turn out that this was good, so I shouldn’t worry too much. William Gaines

Our bad ego criticizes and judges others harshly and complains about things.

Our mature self focuses on the good, and  it tries to understand why people do bad things.

1. Any  fool can criticize, condemn and complain- and most fools do. Dale Carnegie
2. Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. Dale Carnegie
3. We must be the change we wish to see. Gandhi
4. The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large. Confucius
5. People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong. Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom? Thich Nhat Hanh

 

Our bad ego rationalizes everything to make itself look good.

Our mature self thinks rationally and honestly about things, even if this makes itself look bad.

1. Human beings aren’t rational animals; we’re rationalizing animals who want to appear reasonable to ourselves. Elliot Aronson
2. When dealing with people, remember you’re not dealing with creatures of logic. You’re dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. Dale Carnegie
3. The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. Richard P.Feynman

Our bad ego hates being criticized so it avoids doing anything that might invite criticism and will despise anyone who criticizes it.

Our mature self sees constructive criticism as an opportunity to grow.

1. Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things. Winston Churchill
2. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. Franklin P. Jones
3. To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. Unknown
4. In criticizing, the teacher is hoping to teach. That’s all.
   Bankei

Our bad ego has a closed mind about ideas different from its own.

Our mature self is open to new ideas.

1. Belief gets in the way of learning. Robert Heinlein
2. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Aristotle
3. We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t. Frank A. Clark
4. He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper. Edmund Burke

 

Our bad ego is certain it’s always right.

Our mature self isn’t so sure and is prepared to re-consider.

1. When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, sir? John Maynard Keynes
2. The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. Bertrand Russell
3. However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results. Winston Churchill

Our bad ego hates to admit it’s ever  wrong so will refuse to change.

Our mature self is OK about being wrong and learns from its mistakes.

1. By amending our mistakes, we get wisdom. By defending our faults, we betray an unsound mind. Hui Neng
2. A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it is committing another mistake. Confucius
3. Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. Confucius
4. To improve is to change. To be perfect is to change often. Winston Churchill
5. Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof. John Kenneth Galbraith
6. After living with their dysfunctional behavior for so many years, people become invested in defending their dysfunctions rather than changing them. Marshall Goldsmith
7. The real fault is to have faults and not to amend them. Confucius

Our bad ego loves accumulating money and status symbols to feel successful.

Our mature self loves to create things, do good things, help others and master itself to feel successful.

1. Creation is a better means of self-expression than possession; it is through creating, not possessing, that life is revealed. Vida D. Scudder
2. The love of money as a possession…will be recognised for what it is, a somewhat disgusting morbidity… John Maynard Keynes

 

Our  bad ego is infatuated with itself.

Our mature self is constantly trying to shed its bad ego.

1. For the man who has conquered his mind, it is his greatest friend; but for the man who fails to do so, his mind will be his greatest enemy. Sri Krsna
2. It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived. Helen Walton

Our bad ego gets angry easily and is hyper-sensitive to imagined slights

Our mature self sees anger as a pointless and toxic emotion.

1. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha
2. To be angry is to let others’ mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself.
   Master ChengYen
3. Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way — this is not easy. Aristotle
4. When anger rises, think of the consequences. Confucius
5. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid one hundred days of sorrow. Chinese proverb

Our bad ego is boastful.

Our mature self doesn’t feel the need to broadcast its accomplishments and qualities to others.

1. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

 

Our bad ego likes to focus on other people’s faults and exaggerate them even.

Our mature self will downplay others’ faults and focus more on their good qualities.

1. Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales. Byron J. Langenfeld

Our bad ego needs constant positive strokes from others to feel good.

Our mature self knows when it’s done well and can give itself a private “Well done!”.

1. The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. Plato
2. If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear? Confucius

Our bad ego doesn’t want to know ugly truths about itself

Our mature self  wants to know the truth, even if the truth hurts.

 

1. That which can be destroyed by the truth should be. P. C. Hodgell

Our bad ego abuses power.

Our mature self uses power responsibly for the good of all.

1. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln

Our bad ego is only interested in advancing itself.

Our mature self is keen to help others flourish, as well as itself.

1. ‘Love’ is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Robert Heinlein
2. Don’t worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. Clayton Christensen
3. My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person; he believed in me. Jim Valvano (basketball coach)

Our bad ego tries to tear down the dreams and ambitions of others.

Our mature self likes to build others up and to encourage them to succeed.

1. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein
2. Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. Mark Twain
3. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. William James

Our bad ego loves only itself (and perhaps members of its immediate family if they reflect well on it), but everyone else is just seen as objects to be used;

Our mature self loves itself and all others easily and enjoys serving others.

1. People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because things are being loved and people are being used. Unknown
2. There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first. When you learn to live for others, they will live for you. Paramahansa Yogananda
3. The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. Eben Ahbez
4. The only way to have a friend is to be one. Ralph Waldo Emerson
5. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. George Bernard Shaw
6. Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth. N. Eldon Tanner
7. Want to know something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. It’s really worth fighting for. Erica Jong
8. The more you love, the more you can love — and the more intensely you love…If a person had time enough, he could love all those who are decent and just. Robert Heinlein
9. A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the perogative of the brave. Mahatma Gandhi
10. Once you have learned to love, you will have learned to live. Unknown

 

Our bad ego cares only about protecting its own feelings, not about the feelings of others.

Our mature self is very sensitive not to hurt the feelings of others.

1. A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’. Robert Heinlein
2. Straight-forwardness, without the rules of propriety, becomes rudeness. Confucius
3. To handle yourself, you your head; To handle others, use your heart. Unknown

Our bad ego feels pain when hearing about other people’s good fortune.

Our mature self is genuinely delighted for other people’s good news.

1. Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. Oscar Wilde
2. A true friend overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! Doug Larson

Our bad ego easily feels threatened when others do things better than it can.

Our mature self admires excellence in others and tells them so.

1. No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Eleanor Roosevelt

Our bad ego has a weak and shallow character.

Our mature self has a highly developed character.

1. Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men. Confucius

Our bad ego hates to feel embarrassed.

Our mature self does what it has to do, even if this means it feels embarrassed doing so.

1. Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. Benjamin Disraeli
2. Before the beginning of brilliance, there must be great chaos. Before a brilliant person begins something great, they must look foolish in the crowd.  Fu His

Our bad ego holds grudges and is unforgiving.

Our mature self forgives easily and tries hard to understand why people do bad things.

1. The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend. Abraham Lincoln
2. Life is an adventure in forgiveness. Norman Cousins
3. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. Plato
4. One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. Rita Mae Brown

Our bad ego likes to talk big about what it’s going to do but struggles to deliver.

Our mature self quietly goes about achieving admirable things.

1. What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things. Margaret Mead
2. Instead of worrying about what people might say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire. Dale Carnegie
3. A thousand words will not leave as deep an impression as one deed. Henrik Ibsen
4. As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do. Andrew Carnegie
5. You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do. Henry Ford

 

Our bad ego loves to prove  it’s right and others are wrong.

Our mature self lets things go when it realizes there’s no point in pushing its point of view.

1. Arguing with a fool proves there are two. Doris M. Smith
2. Wise men are not always silent, but they know when to be. Unknown

Our bad ego loves to talk and for others to listen.

Our mature self sees conversation as a mutual sharing of ideas and listens attentively when others are talking.

1. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers
2. Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. Dr. Joyce Brothers