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Wisdom in a word

March 18, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Can we sum up the recipe for a life well lived  in just a handful of single words?

Here’s my list. Can you think of other words?

Be humble

Be kind

Be compassionate

practise equanimity

Be optimistic

Show integrity

Be enthusiastic

Be excited

show moderation

Show courage

Be prudent

Be patient

Be grateful

Reciprocate

be joyous

Be self-disciplined

Respect myself

Be self-efficacious (believe I can)

Be masterful

Experiment

Be conscientious

Be resilient

Be open-minded

Be determined

To persevere

To flourish

Be balanced

Be a pioneer

Lead the way

Be a team-player

Be contented

Have perspective

Feel elevated

Feel blissful

Feel exuberant

Feel transcendent

Feel rapt

Feel satisfied

Participate

Try

Love

Finish things

Start things

Learn

Accept

Listen

Empathise

Commit

Hug

Forgive

Admire others

Approve of myself

feel proud of myself and my people

Praise

Laugh

Smile

Think independently

Solve

Explore

Play

Help

Encourage

Support

Create

Envisage/dream/imagine

Celebrate/rejoice

Sing

Dance

Grow/expand/evolve

Understand

Enjoy

Stretch myself

Collaborate

Cooperate

Study

Simplify

Contribute

Model good stuff

Change/evolve

Focus/concentrate

Yield to others

Strive

Give

Why?

Be zestful/alive

Be positive

Be selfless

Be healthy

be fit

Be happy

Be effective

Be self-actualised

Be inter-dependent

Be other-aware/other-focused

Be self-aware

Be Calm

Be centred

Be altruistic

Be honest

Say thank you

say sorry

say please

Filed Under: potted wisdom, toolbox, wisdom in a word

Wisdom in a nutshell

March 18, 2011 by Leave a Comment

1. Empathy before education. Always.

(Brian Huff)
When someone tells us about a problem they’re having and they’re clearly distressed about it,  it’s tempting  to rush in and offer them advice on how to fix it or to reassure them the problem isn’t as bad as is seems.
That’s wrong! That’s education without empathy!
The distressed person doesn’t want to be “educated” at that moment;  instead, they want to be listened to and shown that we understand how they’re feeling and that their distressed feeling is perfectly reasonable. They want our empathy. Afterwards, once they’ve felt properly understood, they’ll be more open to receiving  “our education”.
Here’s what “empathy before education” looks like (from a wonderful article called Empathy vs Sympathy by Brian Huff):
Bob: I just got fired...
Joe: Wow, that sucks... you must be feeling pretty scared right now, huh?
Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Give Joe a cookie!
Joe didn’t make it about himself… he kept his focus on Bob. He asked Bob how he was feeling, and after Bob answers, Joe should keep asking. He should let Bob vent about his situation: his wife, his kid, his house, the job market, whatever. Even if Joe knows a guy who might give Bob a job, Joe should shut the hell up until Bob’s finished venting. This may only take five minutes, or it might take a whole hour. Either way, its an important part of the process. Bob will not listen to what Joe has to say, unless Bob feels Joe fully understands his situation.
How does Joe know when Bob’s finished venting? He’ll hear something different in Bob’s voice: hope. When Bob is open for suggestions, he’ll say something like, “what do you think I should do?” or “have you ever been in this situation before?” Only after Joe hears this, is Bob ready to listen to new ideas, new possibilities, and new ways of fixing this problem. Only after Joe hears hope, or a direct request for help, is Bob ready to hear what Joe wants to say. If Joe wants to help Bob, Joe needs patience.
 

2. There’s a space between stimulus and response. Use it.

Viktor Frankl, of Man’s Search for Meaning fame, wrote the orignial version:
Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In those choices lie our growth and happiness.

3. Look after your body, and it will look after you.

(source unknown)
This year I turn 55. These last few years I’ve definitely noticed signs of my body starting to break down — stiffening  joints, proneness to injury, strange menopausal symptoms, less tolerance for rubbish food, etc.  It’s scary!  I hope to have another 30 years of life at least, and I want those years to be as free from pain and  disability and illness as possible.  It’s definitely time for me to tend to my body and give it what it needs to allow it to continue carrying  around my brain and let me do all the things I want to do without complaining too much!
It seems like a fair deal: I’ll look after it – – exercise it and feed it properly and give it enough rest and sun and not to stress it out too much and to nip its problems in the bud  — and  it will look after me.

4. Thoughts become things.

(source unknown. )
Brian Tracy explains the concept  in this 1-minute video:
 YouTube Preview Image

 5. Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.

 (based on Native-American proverb?)

6.  Learn, commit, do.

A good recipe on how to progress ourselves from Stephen R. Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ( p 306). It’s so easy and enjoyable just to hear about good things to do; it’s a whole new ball-game to deeply learn those things, commit to  applying them in our life and then following through.

7. Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.

Listening attentively is hard enough; listening to truly understand the other person is incredibly hard. But it’s worth persevering with because to make someone feel truly understood is one of the most loving gifts we can give.
Click here for more explanation.  

8.  “Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.”

This advice is from Adelle Davis, nutrition expert from the past. Her advice is opposite to our common way of eating, where we often start the day with a minimal breakfast, and end the day by gorging ourselves on a late dinner.

9. Value the differences.

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey stresses how important it is to value each other’s differences. Our differences–our complementariness–encourage synergy to happen if we let it. Insecure people feel uncomfortable if other people think differently from them. They would like everyone to think just like they do. While that would certainly feel validating and comfortable, where would the growth come from?
We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t. (Frank A. Clark)
I never learned from a man who agreed with me. (Robert Heinlein)
 

9. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.

If we ask someone permission to try a new idea, they’ll probably say no. That’s because saying no is emotionally a lot easier than saying yes. Saying yes involves serious thinking-it-through work.  This principle must be used responsibly, of course.
“If it isn’t going to devastate those around you, try [your idea] and then justify it. People — whether parents, partners, or bosses — deny things on an emotional basis that they can learn to accept after the fact. If the potential damage is moderate or in any way reversible, don’t give people  the chance to say no. Most peole are fast to stop you before you get started but hesitant to get in the way if you’re  moving. Get good at being a trublemaker and saying sorry when you really screw up.” (p 33, The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss).
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 
Filed Under: potted wisdom, toolbox, wisdom in a nutshell
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