Answer: I don’t know!

I suspect this is a common problem, but I can’t find any proven answers for fixing it.

Here is an excellent article by Offra Gerstein on the topic: Is your partner self-absorbed? 

While Offra Gerstein doesn’t offer any solutions, she does offer some good coping advice, including for you to not take their lack of interest in you personally, to seek empathy from others who can give it, and to focus on the good aspects of your relationship.

Here are some snippets I really liked from Offra’s article :

“I liken self-referenced people to individuals surrounded by a circle of mirrors; wherever they look, they see their own reflection.”

 “Being a partner of a self-referenced mate is lonely and perplexing. How can you keep feeling loved when your needs, feelings, thoughts and actions are rarely considered? How can you feel valued in this type of a union?”

“These [self-absorbed] individuals are not bad people; they have been deprived of a strong capacity for empathy.”

“It is not productive for partners of self-referenced people to resort to name-calling, demanding and threatening words to alleviate their anger and hurt.”

“Recognize that the self-referenced individual is emotionally different, not obstinate.”

“Do not see his or her lack of attention as a reflection of your worth.”