Thoughtful Jim and what he can teach us

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them.

Some are over-sensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.

My name is Jim.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Christine.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for  Christine to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work and although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don’t yell at her.

Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the  club so eating out twice is not reasonable.

I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating.

But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves.

I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour.

But, boys, we take ’em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.

I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days.

That way she won’t have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points .

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.

She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn.

I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man.

I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.

And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Christine.

I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.

Many men will find it difficult. Some will even find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.

After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,

 JIM

His wife Christine was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

 

_______

OK! This was a joke–a rather funny joke, I thought!

Using the social intelligence lingo,  Jim is “mindblind”. He doesn’t have a clue how to “read” Christine or to know how much his behavior is upsetting her so much. Christine isn’t helping by non-assertively “sucking it up”, allowing Jim to keep thinking he’s wonderful. 

1. We seem to be almost hard-wired to see ourselves in a glowing, positive light. Most people genuinely think we are smarter than average, more attractive than average, more moral  and more competent and nicer than average–and of course we think we are better drivers than average! It is as though our egos are designed to protect us from facing up to unpleasant truths about ourselves.
    
2. We tend to be rather selfish creatures if we think we can get away with it. We are highly motivated to get what we want and have amazing powers of rationalisation to justify our “looking after No. 1” so well.
    
3. Our egos hate to be criticised. Even the gentlest rebuke can set us off.  That hostile response sure doesn’t encourage the Christines of the world to stand up for themselves and to hand out some honest constructive feedback.  “Sucking it up” seems a safer option! This is especially true if there’s a clear one-up/one-down power imbalance. If Jim is the “saintly” boss and Christine is his personal assistant, Christine will almost certainly go for the “suck it up” option than to ask for a better deal. 

So the mindblindness continues–and we all continue to go through life  blissfully unaware that we are hurting others while silently getting hurt by others.

Here’s a painful question:

Can you think of any possible Jim moments you’ve had, where you honestly considered your actions to be “saintly” but where the other party might have wanted to ram a golf stick up your back side?

I can think of a few, and I can guess at a lot more! 

Here’s one. I can be rather tactless at times! I remember years ago, a lady showing me what felt like thousands of photos she’d taken! Finally she said, “I really like this photo. I like everything about it — how it’s centred on the main subject, the lighting, etc, etc.”  I was about to say very matter-of-factly- and in not the slightest way nastily–“I guess if you took enough photos, eventually one would work out perfectly.”  I was thinking that, statistically, eventually all the right features of a good photo would have to happen together. However, fortunately, I checked myself just in time and said instead, “Yes, it’s a lovely photo”. And the lady beamed with delight.

Afterwards, I told a family member how proud I felt that  I was able to stop myself in time before I said the what-would-have-been-an-honest-but-tactless-remark.  I then explained,”My problem I think is that I’m always so objective about everything.”

To which my family member snapped back rather venomously, “Objectionable, you mean!”

I was stunned! She sure did sound like someone who had been wounded by my tactlessness a few too many times and would have liked to have shoved a golf stick up my backside!