How to become more self-compassionate

Are you too critical of yourself? Do you engage in lots of verbal self-abuse?

Maybe you need to learn how to treat yourself more kindly.  Beating yourself up whenever you stuff up or because you’re imperfect is a real mood-killer and de-motivator!

Rather than being self-indulgent and soft, being compassionate towards yourself when you fail or let yourself down is healthy. 

People scoring high in self-compassion are:

• happier
• more optimistic
• strong in reflective wisdom (seeing reality as it really is)
• more likely to display personal intiative
• more curious and exploratory
• more agreeable
• more extraverted
• more conscientious
• less neurotic

See here for the full scientific report by Kristin Neff et al.

Kristin Neff  is a pioneer in the concept of self-compassion and is about to release a book called Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind.

Neff spells out these seven exercises for lifting your self-compassion. In a nutshell, they are:

Exercise 1. Conduct a self-review of the aspects of yourself  you are most critical about and  your normal responses to encountering difficulties.

Exercise 2.  Write an imaginary letter from a highly compassionate friend discussing your  imperfections.

Exercise 3. Do a three-chair conversation, switching from your critical self to  your criticised self and  then to your  compassionate, wise self.

Exercise 4.  Soften your critical self-talk. This exercise requires you to catch yourself verbally beating yourself up, studying your toxic words, and then coming up with gentler, compassionate  words.

Exercise 5. Keep a journal to express the negative emotions you experience during the day.  Journalling has been proven to  be an effective self-soothing tool.

Exercise 6. Identify healthier ways to motivate yourself to behave than your usual self-abuse approach.

Exercise 7. Care for yourself  and take steps to recharge your batteries.  Schedule time to do things that make you feel good and re-charged.

Click here for a good article explaining self-compassion in The New York Times.