How can I be a better conversationalist?

Answer:  Try to make everyone you speak to feel personally addressed.

In his Vanity Fair essay, Unspoken Truths, Christopher Hitchens wrote:

To my writing classes I used later to open by saying that anybody who could talk could also write. Having cheered them up with this easy-to-grasp ladder, I then replaced it with a huge and loathsome snake: “How many people in this class, would you say, can talk? I mean really talk?” That had its duly woeful effect. . .

The most satisfying compliment a reader can pay is to tell me that he or she feels personally addressed. Think of your own favorite authors and see if that isn’t precisely one of the things that engage you, often at first without your noticing it. A good conversation is the only human equivalent: the realizing that decent points are being made and understood, that irony is in play, and elaboration, and that a dull or obvious remark would be almost physically hurtful.

Interesting.  Hitchens was a brilliant speaker and writer. I wonder if anywhere in his writings he left instructions on how we could become better conversationalists?

Here;s a short video where he gives advice to would-be writers (and conversationalists):

How can I improve my conversational skills?

Answer: State your opinions gently rather than dogmatically.

In How to Have a Beautiful Mind, de Bono advises us to replace “sweeping generalizations with less absolute statements” and gives this example:

Sweeping generalization: All sex offenders should be castrated.

Softened version: There may be a place for investigating hormonal treatment of some sex offenders. (p 63)

How can I be an interesting conversationalist?

Answer: Collect quirky, high-interest snippets of information and drop them into the conversation where appropriate.

This is a tip from Edward de Bono, from his book How to Have a Beautiful Mind:

“It would be difficult to build a conversation entirely around these “high interest” items.  The items, however, can be door-openers to other discussions.  .  . Such items act like currants in a cake to provide instances of interest in what otherwise might be quite stodgy.  So it’s always worth building up a repertoire of such items and having them ready for any occasion.” (How to Have a Beautiful Mind by Edward de Bono, p 177)

Examples of quirky, high-interest snippets (scattered through Edward de Bono’s book How to Have a Beautiful Mind):

Mark Antony, when he was wooing Cleopatra, used to fish in the Nile before dinner. Cleopatra would pay divers to go down and put fish on Mark Antony’s hooks, so that when he returned with all these fish she could congratulate him on his sporting ability.

The male hippopotamus marks its territory by rotating its short tail very rapidly and emptying its bowels at the same time. The excrement is thus scattered over a wide area (when the shit hits the fan).

Female stick insects can have baby girl stick insects without any need for a male.

The male seahorse is most unusual. The female produces the egg, which the male fertilises. The female then hands the fertilized egg to the male who has to look after it until the babies hatch.

In Queensland, Australia, there is a frog that swallows its eggs which have been fertilised by the male egg. The frog then turns off the hydrochloric acid and digestive juices in its stomach. The eggs develop in the frog’s stomach. When the young frogs are mature, the mother frog opens its mouth and the babies just hop out.

How to collect interesting snippets of information:

You need to make a conscious effort to collect your snippets, store them somewhere handy and memorize them.