How can I teach my pre-schooler the phonetic alphabet?

Answer: Get him or her to watch these videos with the catchy tunes and great pictures:

How can I find myself a special friend?

Answer: Try these ten suggestions, which I’ve written in the first person to make you feel you wrote them!


I must:

1. Check my attitude. What message am I sending to people? This message, from The Making of Love by Steve and Shaaron Biddulph,  is a good message to radiate:

‘I am me. I like myself. I like giving love, and I like receiving it. If you  think you’re good enough, apply within’ .

2. Put myself out there among the possibilities. I won’t meet wonderful friends walking between the TV and the fridge every night.  I need to get out to where people are. Say yes to all invites!

3. Believe it will happen – one day. Every day wake up with the thought that “today could be the day”.  Smile at everyone; greet them heartily; be friendly.   People meet wonderful friends in the strangest places.  I could meet them on the train, in the checkout line, at an exercise class – anywhere!

4.  Spend lots of time doing things I love – preferably outside the house! What are my interests? I need to pursue those interests enthusiastically and see who turns up. I could join a running club, do a course, attend a meditation retreat, etc.

5. Recognise “deal-breakers” early on and exit fast.  High integrity is important to me; lack of it will be a early deal-breaker for me. It will be heaps more fun spending time with someone who behaves decently than with a superficial charmer who breaks promises, tells lies, and cheats.

6. Make room in my life for a wonderful friend. Am I too busy to spend time to get to know someone well? Am I prepared to make time?

7. Have an open mind about who my wonderful friend might be. Wonderful friends can be anyone–old or young,, male or female, gay or straight,  just like me or from an entirely different background. I mustn’t set out with restricting preconceived ideas.

8. Clean up my act. What flaws do I have that might put off my prospective wonderful friend?  Can I get rid of these – or tone them  down? If I don’t know what my irritating faults are, who can I ask for an honest opinion?

9. Be fun to be with. People like fun, happy positive people. I need to lighten up, smile a lot, laugh at myself when I stuff up, and be up-beat about things. A happy, smiling, fun me is heaps more attractive than a whinging, negative, sad-sack me!

10. Spend as much time as I can being the “real me”. The real me is relaxed, poised and confident.   The real me isn’t awkward and defensive and inhibited. I need to practise being the real me as often as possible. This way, when a special person  comes along,  I’m more able to display the real me rather than that creepy, gawky inhibited imposter who appears when I get self-conscious!

How can I love others well?

Answer: To love others well, you have to behave like Bob Marley’s perfect love partner!

What love looks like, according to Bob Marley:

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.

You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant.

Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you.

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do.

Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end.

Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.

Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

We all want what Bob Marley wants, buts are we able to give it?

How can I be a good parent?

Answer: Encourage your child to read novels.

Here are some good books to start with:

The 50 books every child should read

How can I help someone who has just been diagnosed with cancer?

Answer: Encourage them to watch this video of a reading of Stephen Jay Gould’s famous essay: The Median isn’t the Message.

From the introduction from the video:

This is one of the most profound essays I’ve ever read about a rational person being confronted with cancer. I’m a great fan of SJG. His books inspired me to science, and to look at the world in a new way.

I’ve stolen this wholesale from Steve Dunn, and was led to it by Orac of Respectful Insolence:

http://cancerguide.org/median_not_msg.html

“Stephen Jay Gould was an influential evolutionary biologist who taught at Harvard University. He was the author of at least ten popular books on evolution, and science, including, among others, The Flamingo’s Smile, The Mismeasure of Man, Wonderful Life, and Full House.

As far as I’m concerned, Gould’s The Median Isn’t the Message is the wisest, most humane thing ever written about cancer and statistics. It is the antidote both to those who say that, “the statistics don’t matter,” and to those who have the unfortunate habit of pronouncing death sentences on patients who face a difficult prognosis. Anyone who researches the medical literature will confront the statistics for their disease. Anyone who reads this will be armed with reason and with hope.”

“Many people have written me to ask what became of Stephen Jay Gould. Sadly, Dr. Gould died in May of 2002 at the age of 60. Dr. Gould lived for 20 very productive years after his diagnosis, thus exceeding his 8 month median survival by a factor of thirty! Although he did die of cancer, it apparently wasn’t mesothelioma, but a second and unrelated cancer.”

What are some examples of how I can apply Cialdini’s 6 principles of influence and persuasion in my everyday life?

Answer: Read these articles for hundreds of real-life examples.

6 Ways to Be More Persuasive With Social Media

How can I help my child develop a growth mindset?

Answer 2: Sign him or her up to Brainology®, a fun computer program that explains how the brain works and teaches the growth mindset way of thinking about learning.

Click here for a free preview of the first of the four teaching modules.

Let your kids try it–it’s good!

If your children like it, you can sign them up for the complete Brainology® program for just $79 for up to 6 users for six months.

From the Brainology® website:

Brainology® is a powerful and engaging program designed to raise students’ achievement by helping them develop a growth mindset. When students have a growth mindset, they understand that their intelligence can be developed. Instead of worrying about how smart they are, they work hard to learn more and get smarter. Based on years of research by Stanford University’s Dr. Dweck, Lisa Blackwell Ph.D., and their colleagues, we know that students who learn this mindset show greater motivation in school, better grades, and higher test scores.

For more information about Brainology and the Growth Mindset and how powerful it is, read this article:

Transforming Students’ Motivation to Learn by Carol Dweck

How can I help my child develop a growth mindset?

Answer 1: Get him or her to read this article You Can Grow Your Intelligence, and talk about together afterwards.


Carol Dweck, pioneer researcher into the Growth Mindset, reported that this article, when presented with some simple lessons in growth-mindset thinking, led to a significant jump in children’s maths scores by the end of the semester. Dweck explains:


Can a growth mindset be taught directly to kids? If it can be taught, will it enhance their motivation and grades? We set out to answer this question by creating a growth mindset workshop (Blackwell, et al., 2007). We took seventh graders and divided them into two groups. Both groups got an eight-session workshop full of great study skills, but the “growth mindset group” also got lessons in the growth mindset — what it was and how to apply it to their schoolwork. Those lessons began with an article called “You Can Grow Your Intelligence: New Research Shows the Brain Can Be Developed Like a Muscle.” Students were mesmerized by this article and its message. They loved the idea that the growth of their brains was in their hands.

This article and the lessons that followed changed the terms of engagement for students. Many students had seen school as a place where they performed and were judged, but now they understood that they had an active role to play in the development of their minds. They got to work, and by the end of the semester the growth-mindset group showed a significant increase in their math grades. The control group — the group that had gotten eight sessions of study skills — showed no improvement and continued to decline. Even though they had learned many useful study skills, they did not have the motivation to put them into practice.

The teachers, who didn’t even know there were two different groups, singled out students in the growth-mindset group as showing clear changes in their motivation. They reported that these students were now far more engaged with their schoolwork and were putting considerably more effort into their classroom learning, homework, and studying.

Click here to read the whole article–it’s an excellent read.



Are interdependent, loving friendships possible where each person helps the other to flourish and together they achieve remarkable synergy?

Answer: Such friendships are rare, but they do happen–and they are worth shooting for.


Here’s a lovely example: the remarkable friendship between psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, as described by Kahneman in his autobiography (Kahneman won the Nobel prize for Economics in 2002 and Tversky would have also shared the prize had be been alive):

From 1968 to 1969, I taught a graduate seminar on the applications of psychology to real-world problems. In what turned out to be a life-changing event, I asked my younger colleague Amos Tversky to tell the class about what was going on in his field of judgment and decision-making. Amos told us about the work of his former mentor, Ward Edwards, whose lab was using a research paradigm in which the subject is shown two bookbags filled with poker chips. The bags are said to differ in their composition (e.g., 70:30 or 30:70 white/red). One of them is randomly chosen, and the participant is given an opportunity to sample successively from it, and required to indicate after each trial the probability that it came from the predominantly red bag. Edwards had concluded from the results that people are “conservative Bayesians”: they almost always adjust their confidence interval in the proper direction, but rarely far enough. A lively discussion developed around Amos’s talk. The idea that people were conservative Bayesian did not seem to fit with the everyday observation of people commonly jumping to conclusions. It also appeared unlikely that the results obtained in the sequential sampling paradigm would extend to the situation, arguably more typical, in which sample evidence is delivered all at once. Finally, the label of ‘conservative Bayesian’ suggested the implausible image of a process that gets the correct answer, then adulterates it with a bias. I learned recently that one of Amos’s friends met him that day and heard about our conversation, which Amos described as having severely shaken his faith in the neo-Bayesian idea. I do remember that Amos and I decided to meet for lunch to discuss our hunches about the manner in which probabilities are “really” judged. There we exchanged personal accounts of our own recurrent errors of judgment in this domain, and decided to study the statistical intuitions of experts.

I spent the summer of 1969 doing research at the Applied Psychological Research Unit in Cambridge, England. Amos stopped there for a few days on his way to the United States. I had drafted a questionnaire on intuitions about sampling variability and statistical power, which was based largely on my personal experiences of incorrect research planning and unsuccessful replications. The questionnaire consisted of a set of questions, each of which could stand on its own – this was to be another attempt to do psychology with single questions. Amos went off and administered the questionnaire to participants at a meeting of the Mathematical Psychology Association, and a few weeks later we met in Jerusalem to look at the results and write a paper.

The experience was magical. I had enjoyed collaborative work before, but this was something different. Amos was often described by people who knew him as the smartest person they knew. He was also very funny, with an endless supply of jokes appropriate to every nuance of a situation. In his presence, I became funny as well, and the result was that we could spend hours of solid work in continuous mirth. The paper we wrote was deliberately humorous – we described a prevalent belief in the “law of small numbers,” according to which the law of large numbers extends to small numbers as well. Although we never wrote another humorous paper, we continued to find amusement in our work – I have probably shared more than half of the laughs of my life with Amos.

And we were not just having fun. I quickly discovered that Amos had a remedy for everything I found difficult about writing. No wet-mush problem for him: he had an uncanny sense of direction. With him, movement was always forward. Progress might be slow, but each of the myriad of successive drafts that we produced was an improvement – this was not something I could take for granted when working on my own. Amos’s work was always characterized by confidence and by a crisp elegance, and it was a joy to find those characteristics now attached to my ideas as well. As we were writing our first paper, I was conscious of how much better it was than the more hesitant piece I would have written by myself. I don’t know exactly what it was that Amos found to like in our collaboration – we were not in the habit of trading compliments -but clearly he was also having a good time. We were a team, and we remained in that mode for well over a decade. The Nobel Prize was awarded for work that we produced during that period of intense collaboration.

At the beginning of our collaboration, we quickly established a rhythm that we maintained during all our years together. Amos was a night person, and I was a morning person. This made it natural for us to meet for lunch and a long afternoon together, and still have time to do our separate things. We spent hours each day, just talking. When Amos’s first son Oren, then fifteen months old, was told that his father was at work, he volunteered the comment “Aba talk Danny.” We were not only working, of course – we talked of everything under the sun, and got to know each other’s mind almost as well as our own. We could (and often did) finish each other’s sentences and complete the joke that the other had wanted to tell, but somehow we also kept surprising each other.

We did almost all the work on our joint projects while physically together, including the drafting of questionnaires and papers. And we avoided any explicit division of labor. Our principle was to discuss every disagreement until it had been resolved to mutual satisfaction, and we had tie-breaking rules for only two topics: whether or not an item should be included in the list of references (Amos had the casting vote), and who should resolve any issue of English grammar (my dominion). We did not initially have a concept of a senior author. We tossed a coin to determine the order of authorship of our first paper, and alternated from then on until the pattern of our collaboration changed in the 1980s.

One consequence of this mode of work was that all our ideas were jointly owned. Our interactions were so frequent and so intense that there was never much point in distinguishing between the discussions that primed an idea, the act of uttering it, and the subsequent elaboration of it. I believe that many scholars have had the experience of discovering that they had expressed (sometimes even published) an idea long before they really understood its significance. It takes time to appreciate and develop a new thought. Some of the greatest joys of our collaboration-and probably much of its success – came from our ability to elaborate each other’s nascent thoughts: if I expressed a half-formed idea, I knew that Amos would be there to understand it, probably more clearly than I did, and that if it had merit he would see it. Like most people, I am somewhat cautious about exposing tentative thoughts to others – I must first make sure that they are not idiotic. In the best years of the collaboration, this caution was completely absent. The mutual trust and the complete lack of defensiveness that we achieved were particularly remarkable because both of us – Amos even more than I – were known to be severe critics. Our magic worked only when we were by ourselves. We soon learned that joint collaboration with any third party should be avoided, because we became competitive in a threesome.

Amos and I shared the wonder of together owning a goose that could lay golden eggs – a joint mind that was better than our separate minds. The statistical record confirms that our joint work was superior, or at least more influential, than the work we did individually (Laibson and Zeckhauser, 1998). Amos and I published eight journal articles during our peak years (1971-1981), of which five had been cited more than a thousand times by the end of 2002. Of our separate works, which in total number about 200, only Amos’ theory of similarity (Tversky, 1977) and my book on attention (Kahneman, 1973) exceeded that threshold. The special style of our collaborative work was recognized early by a referee of our first theoretical paper (on representativeness), who caused it to be rejected by Psychological Review. The eminent psychologist who wrote that review – his anonymity was betrayed years later – pointed out that he was familiar with the separate lines of work that Amos and I had been pursuing, and considered both quite respectable. However, he added the unusual remark that we seemed to bring out the worst in each other, and certainly should not collaborate. He found most objectionable our method of using multiple single questions as evidence – and he was quite wrong there as well.

Alas, the close, collaborative friendship was unable to last. Kahneman wrote:
Anne Treisman and I married and moved together to U.B.C. in 1978, and Amos and Barbara Tversky settled in Stanford that year. Amos and I were then at the peak of our joint game, and completely committed to our collaboration. For a few years, we managed to maintain it, by spending every second weekend together and by placing multiple phone calls each day, some lasting several hours. We completed the study of framing in that mode, as well as a study of the ‘conjunction fallacy’ in judgment (Tversky and Kahneman, 1983). But eventually the goose that had laid the golden eggs languished, and our collaboration tapered off. Although this outcome now appears inevitable, it came as a painful surprise to us. We had completely failed to appreciate how critically our successful interaction had depended on our being together at the birth of every significant idea, on our rejection of any formal division of labor, and on the infinite patience that became a luxury when we could meet only periodically. We struggled for years to revive the magic we had lost, but in vain.

We were again trying when Amos died. When he learned in the early months of 1996 that he had only a few months to live, we decided to edit a joint book on decision-making that would cover some of the progress that had been made since we had started working together on the topic more than twenty years before (Kahneman and Tversky, 2000). We planned an ambitious preface as a joint project, but I think we both knew from the beginning that we would not be granted enough time to complete it. The preface I wrote alone was probably my most painful writing experience.

Kahneman wrote a beautiful eulogy to Amos Tversky, with this touching ending:

Much of the joy was social. Almost all of Amos’ work was collaborative. He enjoyed working with colleagues and students, and he was supremely good at it. And his joy was infectious. The 12 or 13 years in which most of our work was joint were years of interpersonal and intellectual bliss. Everything was interesting, almost everything was funny, and there was the recurrent joy of seeing an idea take shape. So many times in those years we shared the magical experience of one of us saying something which the other would understand more deeply than the speaker had done. Contrary to the old laws of information theory, it was common for us to find that more information was received than had been sent. I have almost never had that experience with anyone else. If you have not had it, you don’t know how marvelous collaboration can be …

What are some other great collaborative friendships that have stood the test of time and borne great fruit and delight for the participants?

  1. Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger
  2. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett
  3. ???

What are some questions to ask that others would love to answer?

Answer: “Charlie, what one word accounts for your remarkable success in life?”

Charlie Munger, the other half of the Buffett-Munger Berkshire Hathaway genius investment team, vouches for that one!


Charlie Munger said a beautiful woman sitting next to him at a dinner asked him that:

“I knew I was being manipulated and that she’d done this before, and I just loved it. I mean I never see this woman without a little lift in my spirits. And by the way, I told her I was rational. You’ll have to be the judge of whether that’s true!”

from a lecture entitled The Psychology of Human Misjudgment by Charlie Munger to the Harvard Law School in 1995)